Monday, October 29, 2012

Facing the Facts

As it came time to register for classes, and I was unable to get into any of the core classes for the composition track (due to the fact that, even though I registered the exact first minute I was able, the only core class being offered was already full), it caused me to seriously question the direction I was heading.  Where in composition I would be focusing on composition theory and linguistics and how to teach composition -- which would culminate in me applying this knowledge in studying the language of propaganda or perhaps language on the Internet, which were my two areas of interest and my reasoning for going into composition -- in literature I could apply my knowledge of language and my love of reading to studying the work of one of my favorite authors, Kurt Vonnegut, which could ultimately lead to me teaching a subversive lit class someday, which would be a dream come true.

 If not Vonnegut, I am a huge Orwell fan, I can't get enough of Fitzgerald, I have an obsession with the book The Man Who Loved Children by Christina Stead, I can't understand why John Updike isn't discussed more, and I have a growing interest in Melville. Not to mention the fact that I am obsessed with writing fiction, I am trying to finish editing my first novel, and I have at least four or five other legitimate novel ideas, one of which is slowly in progress through the process of brainstorming and story development.  Taking all of these factors with the fact that, as I was not able to get into any of the core Composition courses, probably setting my graduation date back -- which is the last thing that I want to do as a 30-year-old college student -- with the fact that I was able to take two of the four core courses for Literature (Chaucer and Shakespeare, respectively), and I am taking one this semester (Modern Linguistics), and I was also able to sign up to meet one of the American Lit requirements (Melville...Kickass!), making it possible for me to write a thesis and still graduate by Spring 2014, it only makes sense for me to change.

If I am going to change, it has to be now, in my first semester, where it will not impact me.  I am glad that I have taken the classes that I have taken this semester, for it has helped me considered the language more than I ever would have on my own.  This will only help me.  I just feel like -- and this is the hippy in me, sure -- the universe is pointing me in the direction I should be going.  Choosing a career path is the same as finding true love and making the relationship work, it should not go against logic, it is not an uphill path through the bleak and unrelenting wilderness, but more-so akin to traveling through a desert your entire life and suddenly coming upon paradise.

Either way I am sticking with grad school and trying to do my best so that I can get into a good PhD program.  It's ironic then, that one of my undergrad professors at Kent, one of my favorites in fact, Dr. Berardinelli, had assumed without even asking, from the papers I had been writing, that I was planning on going into a PhD program for Lit.  At the time I was seriously considering going into an MFA program for creative writing.  By my last semester of undergrad I had decided to take a more "practical route", which, in hindsight, wasn't very practical after all.

Now, if only I could focus and finish this proposal that's due later today, I would be in good shape.  I was hoping to have it done by now.  I have a good idea, but I am still trying to figure out how to go about it.  I am not worried, I have a few tricks left up my sleeve, to use a cliche.

While Kurt Vonnegut, and other postmodernists, didn't believe in an essential truth, I feel compelled to believe since in making this decision, like all other decisions in my life that I have based on such, what seem at the time, impulses, I feel at home and at peace with my decision.

I also sent in my application to be a peer tutor next semester.  It seems like a natural progression, a way for me to use my knowledge to help others, a step forward into teaching, which will hopefully also help me get a TA position for next year.

Time to kick my brain into high gear and get the ball rolling on this assignment.  May the force be with you.

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