Try Me.

Underground Following?

So apparently the second edition of Out in the Garage is being downloaded and read off of some illegal sites somewhere, which, upon first finding out, irritated the shit out of me.

But then it occurred to me: people are actually reading and liking the damned thing, which is what any author wants, really, isn't it?

It still bothers me that people are getting it illegally, but I am happy that people are posting comments like this one:

"It is easy to characterize this book in one word – masterpiece!"

I am not sure what part of the web these forums exist on, but I don't think it's on the surface side, if you know what I mean. 

So, as I sit here in a bit of shock, even though it is not my favorite edition, I have opened the second edition for sale as an eBook on Smashwords and Amazon.

Maybe there are people out there willing to pay 99 cents for it.

UPDATE:

I have also decided to re-release the second edition as a paperback. The process usually takes about 24 hours before Createspace will release it for sale after I click the button.

Also, just FYI, I am still releasing the third edition, Escapes, but I might just keep all three editions open for sale.

Out in the Garage now for sale as eBook

The second (and final) edition of Out in the Garage is now for sale at Smashwords, and pending review, will be for sale shortly at Amazon, where it is now also for sale in print. The recommended price is $1.99 for the eBook edition is $1.99, and $6.99 for the print edition--although Amazon currently has it listen for $6.29.

The In-Between Days

The sun is peering down through the trees in my backyard and highlighting the small strip of grass where the fire pit is still the focal point, a remnant from last night.  I close my eyes and am present with the roasted marsh mellow heaven overtaking the cold slime of insect repellent.  Stars are twinkling through the dome of orange security.  There are laughs and smiles and cold beverages, around me I hear the conversation over the slightly muffled music that is peeping out from my office windows that overlook the patio and backyard.  My eyes blink open and I am overlooking the day-glow, listening to the Amboy Dukes.  Although I fucking hate Ted Nugent as a person--he is entitled to his beliefs, as I am mine--I do like this one album by this, his first band.  He was just the guitarist then so his ideology doesn't really filter into it because someone else was primarily responsible for writing the songs.  It is kind of a bluesy concept album called, Journey to the Center of My Mind.  I just finished an outline for novel #2.  It's pretty comprehensive and complex, so I am definitely glad that I took the time to workout the framework before I actually start to write it.  I am keeping this one close to me, so you probably won't hear a lot about specific details--at least not until it is closer to being finished.  My goal is the publish it next summer.  It's definitely a summer time kind of novel.  I will tell you it's set in the city, during a specific time period very near the present.  It is based very solidly in literature that I have read and studied, and I am very confident that I can pull it off.  It is well-thought out and well-structured, and once I actually do start writing it, it is going to go fast (well, hopefully).  I also sketched a possible design for the cover.  I am working on the entire concept, from the beginning.  Instead of thinking of it like just words on a page, I am envisioning the entire physical art object.  In the next week, or two, I also still have to finish proofreading the Second Edition of Out in the Garage.  I sit here trying to find a focus, but my mind just continues to roll about in its own direction, towards one of the infinite number of future possibilities.  I think about being productive, and finding the means of doing so.  I have promised myself that I am not going to get desperate, because I at least have a job in the Fall, even though it's not full time.  If I can stay more relaxed and confident through the process, I won't be so stressed out, and I'll be more likely to make a good impression on potential employers.  But it's Sunday, so I am not going to think about it again until tomorrow--even though it still continues to press on my mind as a blur that I try to focus even though it is an impossible task.  While my professional world is in stasis as I look for a role to fill, I am going to continuing working on this hobby.  I am finally reaching a point in my life where I can kind of justify doing so.  In that way, I am also excited for my last class since it is a short short story fiction writing workshop.  It's like the cherry on top of my college career (at least for the foreseeable future).

Not Looking Back In Anger, Mr. Gallagher

It's time.  To break out of this rut.  This book, which I have put more love and thought into than any other project I have ever done.  

It has been ten years, and I have thought about it, and reworked it, and thought about it, and reworked it...and finally released it, only to second guess it and go back and start reworking it again.  

I don't regret doing so, and I hope people really give it a chance and like it.  

I just want people to read it and like and get roughly what I was doing with it, and see that I have room to continue growing as a writer and that I can accomplish something that has been a long and challenging commitment.  

It might not be much, it might be nothing on the grand scope of life, but it is my little something, and I hope that people see that and appreciate it.  

It is more compact, and I have thought through every stylistic and creative decision and made sure that I have incorporated every good idea and taken each to its furthest extent.  

When I have the money, I am going to buy a bunch and give them away to family, friends, and whoever shows interest.  

I am going to make sure that anyone who just appreciates reading and storytelling and local artists who are working hard for no money trying to make something concrete and physical out of brainwaves and determination, I am going make sure those people get copies.

Whatever happens, will happen, and I am not any longer going to live in the past, and keep over-thinking it.  

It's time to be done with it and to move forward and to commit myself to a new job and a new career and a new project. 

It's time to move forward, into the unknown, out of my comfort zone, out of anxiety and second-guessing, and going back to the same old wreck.  

It's time to challenge myself in new ways, with new ideas, and new commitments.  

It's time to transform my goals from impulses into realizations.

The best way to get excited about the future, even the mundane, everyday, ordinary, reality that life becomes, is to close your eyes, dream of some possibility, and figure out how to make the abstract concrete.  

You never know what can happen.  

Sometimes dreams come true in unimaginable ways, and you just have to embrace however it happens, and enjoy it while it lasts, and have no regrets.

The difference between people who enjoy life and people who are miserable is that the people who enjoy life know that it is all a state of mind, and even in the worst circumstances, if you have survived with a pleasant state of mind, you have made it.

It's not easy.  It's really not.  I struggle with it every day.  But just because it is a struggle, it doesn't mean that it is not worth the effort.

You can't control every circumstance in life, in fact, you can control very little, but you can control you, and so that's what you have to do.

That's what I am trying to do, anyways.  That's all I have every been able to do, or really, anyone can do.  That's just life.

Revelations

In an effort to achieve a higher level of professionalism, for the second edition of Out in the Garage, my wife, the lovely and talented artist, Sarah, used her graphic design skills and helped me create a new cover:

As you can see, it looks amazing, and I couldn't have done it without her hard work and talent, and I feel truly lucky to be married to such a talented individual.  This is going to be the final, definitive version of this book, and I am pulling out all of the stops and making sure it is every bit as good, as high in quality, as is possible.  I will shortly be ordering a proof and going through the text to make sure there are no typos or other glaring errors.  

I have come a long way since I first began this venture, and I am excited and happy to be almost through with this first novel, so that I can really start focusing on the next one. Well, focusing on writing the next one as I am marketing this one.  In case you haven't noticed, I am already busy at work, establishing the Gabe Gott, indie fiction / underground fiction, brand, and soon I am hoping to reach out to different  underground fiction websites and forums and introduce them to me, and hope for the best.

Thank you all for your patience and your support.  I know this whole thing is crazy, and it has taken me forever to get to this point, and I keep retreading the same territory, again, and again, but I am determined to move forward, and to leave it how it turns out this last time, for better or worse.  There will be two versions out, two versions to choose from, and I will apply what I have learned, what I will continue to learn, to my next project, which, over the years since I came up with the idea, it has really taken shape--all I need to do really is to sit down and write it.  

I am hoping that I can do write and edit it in a relatively short period of time, so that I can release it next year, because I also have third, fourth, and fifth novels in mind to write.  Once I get past this "Out in the Garage hurdle", I will be productive and give shape to all of my ideas, and get them out to the world.  This is only the beginning.

Master's Degrees, The Redheaded Stepchild of Degrees

Increasingly, as I search for a job, trying to find one that remotely has to do with my chosen field of study, I am either over or under-qualified, or I don't have the right kind of experience.  

Of course, I can (and will, if it comes down to it) teach, but assistant lecturers at universities aren't intended to be full-time positions.  They are intended as part-time supplements to a full-time income: they pay between $700-900/credit hour, and at most places you can't teach more than eight credit hours, because nine or more is considered full time  (because of the Affordable Care Act), and the universities don't want to pay you benefits.

Also, there are no two credit hour classes (at least on the English side of things), so the most you can teach is six credit hours, and, if you are lucky enough to get one of the few positions at the Writing Lab, you might be able to tutor for the equivalent to those last two credit hours.  

If you want to attempt to make it work, you can try to find another part time position at another university, but it still isn't a lot of income, and, again, there are NO BENEFITS.  So, if you want to stay in academia, because you enjoy teaching and having a flexible schedule, you have to find ways to supplement your income, or just be poor.  Either that, or go to school for another four to five years on top of the six to seven years you have already gone to school, and maybe, maybe, get a tenure-track position, if you are lucky (since there are many people with PhD.s that can only find part-time work, as well).

But if I like teaching so much, you ask, why don't I just go to school for another year and take the tests and become licensed to teach high school?  Two words: standardized testing.  My style of teaching doesn't work well within the current system, since I don't look at everyone has having the same skill or ability levels, and I don't believe that it's fair to expect everyone to think the same way.  You can teach people and hold them to certain standards without putting them through an arbitrary, stressful series of tests.  With the amount of stress that testing puts on students, and that the testing is administered by for profit corporations, the tests are not accomplishing the goals they are setting out to accomplish.  Education needs to be put in the hands of educators and taken out the hands of bureaucrats, and based on studies on what works best for students, rather than being controlled by politicians who have a financial stake in making sure the testing is continued.

My only other option, if I want to teach, and make a living doing it, is to get an MFA--and I admit, this option is tempting.  I am just burned out with school right now, and need to let my brain heal before I commit to another year or two.  Not to mention, there is no guarantee that I will be able to find a full-time position with a MA and an MFA, either.  In fact, with the popularity of MFA programs, there are probably even fewer of these positions.

So, what is the material value of getting a master's degree in English?  I am not sure yet.  I would like to think, if I do my research, if I apply to every open position across the country that I am remotely qualified for, that has anything to do with writing/editing/research, I will eventually find something that is the right fit for me.  It's too bad though, because I do genuinely like teaching, and it would be great to teach when I don't have the stress of my own classes weighing down on me--but I am tired of being poor. 

I have never had much money, and it really has nothing to do with having stuff, as much as it has to do with feeling some level of security.  But maybe that is a pipe dream.  It seems like no matter how hard I work, what length I go to improve my quality of life, I am met with more barriers.  The closer I think I am to accomplishing my goals, the further away I get.

Growing up, my generation was taught that what we had to do was go to college, and if we did, we would be able to get a job and find happiness.  But that was all rhetoric, a sales pitch, a clever ruse designed by people with business degrees to take advantage of poor people and the federal student loan system so they can sit pretty in administrative positions and earn six-figure salaries.

Clearly, without a doubt, the system is broken, since, if I didn't go to school, I would still be out of luck.  I could have studied something else, perhaps, but just because the humanities have been devalued, doesn't mean that they don't have value, since studying the humanities helps make people better people.  Empathy isn't inherent, necessarily, or, if it is, it at least needs refined.

That's what the humanities do.  If you don't think people, in general, could use more empathy, just read the comments section of any article on any website, or watch the news.  If people considered other peoples' perspectives more often, the world would be a better place.  But greed and self-interest rule the day, benefiting some and destroying many others.

Who is going to fix the broken system?  Not the people who benefit from the way that it is now.  Why are we so complacent?  Why do we let people who clearly only have their own interests at heart make decisions that affect others?

Maybe my degrees/skill sets don't have material value, but I am going to put them to good use.  While I certainly won't be able to do anything on my own, without any help, I am certainly not alone in being marginalized.  We, who have sought education, who have worked within the system to get ahead, but have met with increasing resistance as we attempt to move forward, need to work together and make the system work for us, or break it once and for all, and start over.

Accidental Numerology

Here are some things that I just noticed about the second edition of Out in the Garage, none of which is intentional:

• There are Nine Chapters, and 1-3 go from pages 4-49, 4-6 go from pages 50-102, and 7-9 go from pages 103-164 (i.e. each three chapter chunk is roughly equivalent in length)

• The exact halfway point, pages 84-85, is just over the halfway point of the chapter (pages 80-81), Chapter 5, which is also the central chapter

• Chapter 5 is the chapter where the protagonist, Lance, begins to come back to consciousness

• The first half and second half are nearly the same number of words (the first half, pages 4-84, is just under 23,000 words, and the second half, pages 85-164, is just over)

• The scene which is roughly at the center of the book is one of the most important scenes in the book

As someone who has read quite a few medieval texts, numerology has always fascinated me, but this is completely accidental.  This text, as most people who read this blog regularly know, has taken me about ten years to complete, and has undergone numerous configurations.  Recently, I have finally settled on a non-linear structure, which has brought out the themes and ideas that I have been trying to express all along, particularly the existential aspects, which were originally somewhat buried.  It has really helped me find my focus and get it to a point where I am truly happy with it.

I have no explanation for these patterns, though, and I will be the first to admit that I am a skeptic…  I would like to say that it is coincidence, that it means nothing, but I can’t come to terms with that explanation.  I generally consider myself agnostic, with leanings towards Buddhism, and this weird number system doesn't make me want to reconsider my beliefs or to go back to Christianity, which I was raised to believe, or anything like that—if anything, it makes me want to learn more about Buddhism, since it is my (very basic) understanding of Buddhism, as well as physics (to be honest) that leads me to believe that everything in the universe is connected, and that we are all part of the same life force, and these are ideas that strongly inform the text.

Just doing some quick searching on Buddhist/general numerology has brought up some interesting results about how religions, Buddhism, in particular, symbolically interpret different numbers (i.e. it’s not just Christianity).  This is something I will have to read more about.  I am not convinced that it means anything concerning my novel, but, if anything, it does make my novel more interesting (to me, at least).  I have no plans of changing it, further developing it, or highlighting it any more than I have here, but I will definitely be "meditating" on it, so to speak.

Fleeting

As I proofread the final version, the second edition of Out in the Garage, listening to Badfinger's Straight Up, I read the words I have written, and I know, I know--it is like I have reached a new stage of enlightenment.  I feel the waves pulsating through my system, my skin tingles, and I inhale, and feel buoyant, closing my eyes and feeling the sunshine on my face, like I am floating on a pool, and the sky above is as blue as the water below.  Taking it apart, thinking about the best way to fit the pieces together, taking out the pieces that make grotesque the picture, beautiful, and I feel I have captured what has eluded me for so long.  I have no regrets.  I have come this far, and I will see it through to completion, and I know, I know, I am on the right path.  Maybe it's the season, the weather, that I am reaching multiple climaxes at the same moment--the end of school, the end of this book--but I feel so damn fantastic right now.  Life is a struggle, a painful battle through darkness and chaos, but, every once and while, sometimes when you are with loved ones, sometimes in a crowd of complete strangers, sometimes at home, alone, on a Friday afternoon, listening to good music, that everything seems purposeful, proper, exact, and your struggles seem worthwhile.  While it might be a momentary reprieve from the chaos, but it is in these moments, these bubbles of enlightenment, that make life worthwhile--even if the feeling is only fleeting.  Life is fleeting, and if you can somehow manage to string together enough of these moments, in hindsight, everything won't seem so bad.  Everything won't seem so unnecessarily difficult, and life will have some sort of meaning, whether it actually does or not.  In these sorts of moments, capture that feeling, and try to not let it slip away from you--even though it inevitably will.  Never forget it.

NOTE:

I have had to make a few more changes to the Out in the Garage [2nd Edition] manuscript to make it all fit together properly, so the sample that I put on Goodreads is no longer accurate.  For this reason, I have deleted the sample, and I will upload a new one before I publish the book.  I just want to make sure that the sample is accurate to the final version that gets published.

Sometimes, in order for a story to work, it has to be out of order in exactly the right way.  Anyways, that is all, for now.  Have a safe and happy holiday weekend, everyone!

The Epic Job Hunt of 2014

Things are going well.  The weather has been nice (for a few days anyways), and I am getting stuff done.  I am spending my days job searching, doing my homework, and finishing Out in the Garage, once and for all.  While I have a job for the fall, it is as a Part-Time Faculty Instructor at Akron, and, while I have grown to like the challenge of teaching and it would be nice to experience and focus on it more fully, it doesn't pay very well, so I am searching for a full-time gig that will actually pay the bills and hopefully leave me some extra.  I could get a second part-time teaching gig somewhere, and that would help pay the bills, but it is certainly not enough to live on for very long (especially with student loan payments).

I have long since grown tired and frustrated with being poor and having to stretch my finances further than they really reach (as I have taken out loans to get through grad school).  It's too bad, because I do think, as I continue getting experience teaching composition, I am getting better at it, and it can be fun (with the right group of students, anyways).  

It wouldn't be a bad way to make a living, you just can't make a living doing it (unless you want to spend another 5-6 years in school and get a Ph.D., which is still no guarantee for a full-time position).  I guess, if it comes down to it, if I wanted to teach but not spend another five years in school, I could get an MFA or a Masters in Education.  If it came down to that, I would probably go the MFA route, since it would be the best synthesis between my hobbies, my dream goals and real life, and I could get a tenured position at a university (if I am successful enough in publishing).  On the other hand, if I went the education route, I could teach high school, and since I would have two master's degrees, I could probably get into a pretty good school district.  That would be challenging, though, and I am firmly against standardized testing, so I don't know if I could do it and keep my sanity (which is already probably in question by some, including myself, but I guess, if I am aware of it, that means that I am not crazy, right?).

I think I would rather get a writing/editing job, quite frankly in any kind of industry, although preferably for a news/entertainment website or for a marketing, PR or advertising firm.  The problem with this route is there are not many entry level positions in this field (which doesn't entirely make sense), and, although I do have writing experience, it is never exactly the right kind (even though I had to be a pretty decent writer to get into grad school [I did score in the 93rd percentile in writing on the GRE] and especially to get the graduate assistantship) and I did work for one of the better college newspapers in the Midwest as a reporter--so it's not like I have no experience and I am not qualified.

Along these same lines, I think I would also be good as a social media manager or a Search Engine Marketing Specialist, which is part of the point of this blog, the social media I update, and my experimentation in publishing--because I can see myself working as a professional in this industry, and I believe I would be good at it and an asset to any company.  I do come from a blue-collar sort of work ethic, and I am always trying to be the best at what I do (which can sometimes be a character flaw if I don't keep it in check some, which I am learning to do as I grow older).

What I need to do is spend more time deep searching for a job, finding companies along the lines I am seeking, continuously updating my resume and cover letter and making them fit for whatever qualifications (i.e. highlighting how I am qualified for the position), and applying for jobs on the companies' websites (which I have done some, but I need to do more thoroughly).  The job boards are mostly filled with trash, and what is not trash is usually some kind of sales job, which is not a bad career, but it is not what I see myself doing.  Maybe I am being too picky, but I feel like, to a certain extent, I need to hold myself to higher standards, otherwise I will just settle for whatever comes along--and, while it might be better for the current moment, it will only carry me further away from my goals, and I don't think I would be any happier, since for me, the key to happiness isn't money (it's in living the kind of life that I wish and sharing my life with the people who I care about and admire).

If I can't find a full-time writing/editing job, or something along those lines with the sort of company in the sort of industry where I am wanting to get my foot in the door, then maybe I should teach part-time at a couple of universities and start freelance writing and trying to get some of the papers, stories, etc. I have already written published.  I don't know.  If that is what happens, I will try to make the best of it and keep moving forward and keep working towards the next opportunity.

Preview of Out in the Garage [second edition] Updated

As I was going through (step 1 of previous post), I made a few small edits to the text, so I figured I would update the preview.

Click here to check out the preview (note: I think you need to be a member of Goodreads in order to read the excerpt.  It's free, and if you read a lot, you might like it)

Self-Administered Pep Talks Do Work

Here is the my "production" schedule for Out in the Garage between now and July 4:

This Week:

1. Do some light editing/proofreading of the manuscript and make sure I am happy with it
2. Update downloadable sample to reflect any changes
3. Finish uploading files to Create Space and order a proof

ASAP:

1. Proofread it for typos when I get it
2. Update the manuscript with any (minimal) changes that I have to make
3. Upload the updated manuscript (If there aren't many typos, there will be no need for another proof; if there are a lot of typos, I will order another proof and go through it again, just to be safe, and go through the final proofreading process again.)
4. Format the eBook version
5. Upload eBook version to Smashwords, Kindle Direct Publishing, etc.
6. Release for Sale, July 4, 2014

In other news, in my Digital Humanities class, I am doing my paper on digital publishing.  I need to do some research and hone the topic down into something that I can write about in 16-20 pages, but, obviously, it is something that really piques my interest, and hopefully I can apply what I learn to this "project" (i.e. this obsession, compulsion, delusion, hobby, dream).

Anyways, I thought some of you might be curious/interested to see my game plan to get this novel finished and out to the public, finally.  Well, finally, again.  But this is finally, finally (finally!).  No matter what happens, I am going to move on, and apply what I learn to the next project.  I will say that this version is, in my opinion, anyway, by far the best I have ever done, and I feel like I can be happy with all of my choices, no matter what.  I know I keep saying it, but I can't emphasize it enough.  This is it.