Dreams.

Taking into account all advice that I have received so far, and based, more importantly, on my own intuition, I think I have come to the best compromise to getting a publishable piece.  It involves taking a few key scenes from Side: B of Outside the Garage and strategically placing them in Side: A, to give it a frame narrative.  I guess, since, when I first started, in addition to The Great Gatsby and Catcher in the Rye, I was also quite heavily influenced by Kurt Vonnegut and Chuck Palahniuk, so, it makes sense, then, that it would turn out this way.

Last week, when I was bored, I experimented with the manuscript and made a third person, present tense version.

This gave me a basic to work from, since I was already working on it, and felt good about it, but felt like something was missing.  Coincidentally, around this same time, my friend gave me her feedback from reading a version, and it meshed up with other advice I have received, and that made me decide to take steps to get it to where it needs to be in order to be publishable--even if it means rewriting it.  So I read some YA Lit books and started taking notes, and did some writing activities to get my mind refreshed.  Then, I took everything so far into consideration and thought about where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, and I decided that, if a non-linear plot is what it takes to get it to that point, then so be it.

Then I went back to books I had been reading and studying over the course of this past semester, and it occurred how I already had a frame, and I could easily make it more cohesive from beginning to end.  So I take the moment where Evie/Edie is shot, which is a climatic moment about 2/3 of the way through the third person, present tense version, and made it the opening scene, thus giving myself a firm external piece of framework for the beginning, and then I sparsely interspersed into Side: A scenes of him coming back into cognizance, dreams that he was having during that time frame, and him having a mental breakdown, so that there is a sort of natural progression between the internal story and the external frame.

This all gives it a natural sort of progression from the beginning to the end, which was always there, but it was as evident without the external framework.  This also makes some of the more outlandish narrative stuff I have put in there make sense within the context of the story since it all makes sense as a part of his mental state.

Then there is a moment, about 3/4 of the way through, where he comes back into full cognizance, and the last bit of it is kind of like the coda.

That's why I made the design make it look like it is two halves of a rock opera, with liner notes and stuff in the beginning to complete the effect.  As I believe it has a sort of musical quality to it, I feel like it is fitting and natural, for me, to do something like that, since I was, of course, the one making rock operas through my twenties--I don't know that they were any good since I am not a very good singer--but I enjoyed making them, and so this is kind of a tribute to that, when I was also beginning to start writing fiction.

While I wouldn't say that I am successful (I am not that delusional), I have been doing it long enough that I either need to put the pieces together and really try and make it work, while I find a job to pay the bills, and continue reaching for my dreams, or just fully devoting myself to a career, and giving it all up.

I am not willing to do that, though.  It is a dream, but it is also a hobby, and that's what they are for, right?  Ways for us to pursue our childhood fantasies?  I can do both, and just do it.  The best material comes from life, and I have a lot of great ideas for future projects, that have come out of living.  If I have to work somewhere else while I am doing it, that is okay.  I keep telling myself that, anyways.

If there is one thing I have learned, as a writer, it's that you have to keep attempting to grow, experimenting and seeing what happens.  At least my writing will be honest.  That's all I can hope for anyways.  That is my dream.

Back to School

I am nearly finished with my first syllabus.  There are a couple of things that I need to add that I will find out about tomorrow, and then I will be ready to email it to my supervisor and get it okay'd.  I actually have more control over it than I had expected I would, but I stuck pretty closely with what he gave us -- I just added a little flair of my own, including a Kurt Vonnegut quote.

 My goal as a composition instructor is to be tough but fair and to help them become better, more confident writers.  The direction of the class will really depend on how they are as writers and where they need help.  I have a lot of freedom as far as the day-to-day structure of the classes, and what kinds of things I can do to teach the students.  If possible, I want to find ways to teach them that are fun for both them and me.  I don't know if I will do in in the fall, but in the Spring I might have my class do blogs and post their homework on them, or something.  I can help them set them up in class and then they will have the choice whether they will publish them for the mass public or just the class.  I have a lot of ideas and I am getting some good direction right now, and I am also working on the reading and getting myself into the right frame of mind.

 I am not going to use any of my own writing as examples -- I don't have that much of an ego.  The text book is adequate, and, if I want them to read a short story, I will find one online.  I will talk about my writing though -- mostly my essay writing, but I will bring up my fiction when it is pertinent.  I haven't decided whether I am going to tell them that I am self-publishing my own books or not -- although I do feel like it gives me more credibility.  I don't think I will tell them about this website, though.  If they find out about it on their own, it doesn't matter.  It's not a secret.

I should, however, be building my name as a writer around the department.  I will introduce myself in class as a writer who avidly advocates for self-publishing, as I believe it is the wave of the future, and so long as the publishers aren't censoring what is being written, the writers can prove how hard they are willing to work and learn as they go, and sell their own books, which are written the way the writer wishes them to be written, and fuck everybody else.

Even though the Internet has grown a little douche-y in recent years, I still believe it is the best hope yet for keeping the punk / DIY ideal alive, and, really, stronger than ever.  We are like entrepreneurs who are willing to work hard and do what is necessary to stay true to ourselves, and fuck what the status quo says.

Okay, so maybe I won't go into it like that, but that is what I believe.  Maybe my audience will never be huge, but at least I don't have to become someone I'm not just to turn into a monster.  I would rather earn a living as a professor or a teacher or a librarian or whatever the Hell I can find a job doing.

As I grow older and my life progresses and I eventually have children who live to be old enough to understand that life is all about how you perceive it, or should be, anyways.  So long as some major totalitarian shit doesn't take place between now and then.  It should be about how you perceive and can use your perceptions create your reality.  It's really the same thing as visualizing and achieving. And success should therefore be measured by how well your are able to perceive and realize.  The more closely your reality matches up to your perceptions, the more successful you are in life, that is if you let it be a positive thing and not a negative one.

That's why I believe I am successful, even though I am not rich.  I have found a way to do what I enjoy doing for a living, and it is only temporary if I don't take it seriously enough.  There are opportunities for me if I continue to work hard and take my work seriously.  It will only be a matter of time before I will actually be able to earn a decent living.  I just have to keep my head done, my brain focused, and put my senses to work, on high efficiency.

Random Notes:

Been distracted by shiny things, lately.  Will be getting back to business, shortly.  And by business I totally mean my thesis.  That thing is... Here.  Yikes!


Very exited to be reading Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher (as well as other books, including The Mystborn by Brandon Sanderson).


Recording is...  Going well.  Check out www.soundclick.com/survivalpilot.


Check out the books page to read the updated description for Out in the Garage, my debut novel, which I am self-publishing / releasing for sale on October 18.


*Making my wife watch Warm Bodies because I know she'll like it once she gives it a chance*