The Official Escapes Playlist

If you are into music like I am, and you enjoy or even need it while you read, I have compiled a playlist in the spirit of Escapes. I am not sure how long it is, but it is definitely several hours worth of songs and should last for most of the novel, if you read at the right pace. Of course, you don't have listen to the playlist to read it; then again, you don't need the book to listen to the playlist. However you like it, ENJOY!

1. "Somewhere Out There" from the An American Tale soundtrack
2. "A Night in Tunisia" By Art Blakey
3. "Dakar" by John Coltrane
4. "Moan'" by Art Blakey
5. "All Blues" by Miles Davis
6. "Giant Steps" by John Coltrane
7. "Blue Money" by Art Blakey
8. "Serve the Servants" by Nirvana
9. "Attitude" by the Misfits
10. "My Name is Jonas" by Weezer



11. "Nice Guys Finish Last" by Green Day
12. "All Apologies" by Herbie Hancock
13. "The Great Gig in the Sky" by Pink Floyd
14. "Rusty Cage" by Soundgarden
15. "Louie Louie" by the Kingsmen
16. "The Bear Song" by Green Jelly
17. "Knights of the Round Table" by Monty Python
18. "Government Flu" by the Dead Kennedys
19. "Super Charger Heaven" by White Zombie
20. "Astonishing Panorama of the Endtimes" by Marilyn Manson



21. "Raining Blood" by Slayer
22. "Unsung" by Helmet
23. "Bad Mouth" by Fugazi
24. "Linoleum" by NOFX
25. "Bedrock Anthem" by "Wierd Al" Yankovic
26. "Celebrated Summer" by Husker Du
27. "Los Angeles" by X
28. "Live Fast Die Young" by the Circle Jerks
29. Lexicon Devil" by the Germs
30. "Starfuckers, Inc." by Nine Inch Nails



31. "Push It" by Static X
32. "Freak on a Leash" by Korn
33. "Faith" by Limp Bizkit
34. "Faith" by George Michael
35. "Blue Monday" by Orgy
36. "Blue Monday" by New Order
37. "My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit
38. "All the Small Things" by Blink 182
39. "Dammit" by Blink 182
40. "Pretty Vacant" by the Sex Pistols



41. "Bikeage" by the Descendents
42. "Soul Doubt" by NOFX
43. "Sparks" by the Who
44. "Money" by Pink Floyd
45. "Working in the Coal Mine" by DEVO
46. "[I Can't Get No] Satisfaction" by DEVO
47. "In the Garage" by Weezer
48. "I Can't Explain" by the Who
49. "Babe I'm Gonna Leave You" by Led Zeppelin
50. "In the Light" by Led Zeppelin
51. "Down by the Seaside" by Led Zeppelin



52. "20th Century Man" by the Kinks
53. "Jenny Take a Ride" by Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels
54. "Devil with the Blue Dress/Good Golly Miss Molly" by Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels
55. "Sex Type Thing" by Stone Temple Pilots
56. "Search and Destroy" by the Stooges
57. "Rape Me" by Nirvana
58. "My Vagina" by NOFX
59. "Last Caress" by the Misfits
60. "Blitzkrieg Bop" by the Ramones



61. "Beat on the Brat" by the Ramones
62. "No Substance" by Bad Religion
63. "Copacabana (At the Copa)" by Barry Manilow
64. "Muskrat Love" by Captain & Tennille
65. "I Can See For Miles" by the Who
66. "Nazi Punks Fuck Off" by the Dead Kennedys
67. "Urban Struggle" by The Vandals
68. "99 Red Balloons" by Goldfinger
69. "I Wanna Be Sedated" by the Ramones
70. "Blister in the Sun" by the Violent Femmes



71. "Here's to the Night" by Eve 6
72. "Black Betty" by Ram Jam
73. "Burnout" by Green Day
74. "Up All Night" by Unwritten Law
75. "Special" by Garbage
76. "In the Meantime" by Spacehog
77. "Lump" by The Presidents of the United States of America
78. "Peaches" by The Presidents of the United States of America
79. "People That are Going to Hell" by the Vandals
80. "American Jesus" by Bad Religion



81. "Surf City" by Jan & Dean
82. "Surf City" by the Ramones
83. "Electric Funeral" by Black Sabbath
84. "All Apologies" by Nirvana
85. "Funeral for a Friend" by Elton John
86. "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" by Elton John
87. "If You've Got the Money I've Got the Time" by Willie Nelson
88. "I Will Always Love You" Dolly Parton
89. "Justify My Love" by Madonna
90. "Jesus Freak" by DC Talk



91. "Psycho Killer" by the Talking Heads
92. "Road to Nowhere" by the Talking Heads
93. "Once in a Lifetime" by the Talking Heads
94. "The Downward Spiral" by Nine Inch Nails
95. "Goodbye Stranger" by Supertramp
96. "Sleepwalk" by Santo & Johnny
97. "Immortality" by Pearl Jam
98. "Paranoid Android" by Radiohead
99. "Karma Police" by Radiohead
100. "Fitter Happier" by Radiohead



101. "No Surprises" by Radiohead
102. "Out of My Head" by Fastball
103. "Miserable" by Lit
104. "The World I Know" by Collective Soul
105. "86" by Green Day
106. "Bittersweet Symphony" by The Verve
107. "Jumpin' Jack Flash" by The Rolling Stones
108. "West Side Story Medley" by Buddy Rich
109. "Found A Job" by the Talking Heads
110. "Blank Generation" by Richard Hell and the Voidoids



111. "Requiem for a Dream -- Lux Aeterna" by the London Ensemble
112. "Oops I did It Again" by Britney Spears
113. "Cotton Eye Joe" by Rednex
114. "The Way" by Fastball
115. "I Swear" by All-4-One
116. "I'll Make Love to You" by Boyz II Men
117. "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" by Green Day
118. "Come on Eileen" by Dexys Midnight Runners
119. "Every Breath You Take" by the Police
120. "Silent Lucidity" by Queensryche



121. "Add it Up" by the Violent Femmes
122. "Time of the Season" by The Zombies
123. "Where is My Mind?" by the Pixies
124. "Fundamentally Loathsome" by Marilyn Manson
125. "Change" by Blind Melon
126. "Look on the Bright Side of Life" by Monty Python
127. "Pennyroyal Tea" by Nirvana
128. "Brain Damage/Eclipse" by Pink Floyd
129. "Garageland" by the Clash

A Call to Literary Fiction Authors: Let's Be Indie Together

One thing I have noticed since officially declaring myself an indie author and going it alone by self-publishing is that many, if not most, of my fellow DIYers write genre fiction: sci-fi/fantasy, contemporary romance, and every sort of cross-genre you can imagine are all well-represented.

However, it seems like there is a lack of self-published literary fiction. Maybe I am just not aware of it and I just need to do my due-diligence, but I am especially noticing this on social media, particularly on Twitter, and also among book bloggers and review writers.

I have a theory about why this is the case. Last summer for my Digital Humanities class, I wrote my final paper on self-publishing, and what I found then is that people who tend to read literary fiction tend to support fiction published more traditionally as it has to go through a series of gatekeepers before it reaches the public, which helps ensure a higher quality of work.

Literary fiction is supposed to go beyond merely being well-edited and telling a good story, but the conventions are less clearly defined. The books are supposed to be more intellectually stimulating and have a more finely tuned sense of style. It is acceptable for the prose to call attention to itself, and experimentation is generally more welcome. In fact, it is often encouraged.

Which is why it is easier to self-publish and sell works of genre fiction. The only gatekeepers are the book bloggers and review writers, who are more focused on readability and entertainment value than on literary merit. What matters is whether the characters are interesting, the plot is evident, and the story is entertaining. It is your goal to conform to the conventions of the genre and appeal to its fans.

That doesn't mean there is no room for indie authors to write literary fiction. In fact, I would like to think that, as an indie author, you have more freedom to experiment and push boundaries than you would at a traditional publishing house. The problem is, there doesn't really seem to be anyone telling our audience that it is safe and acceptable to read our work.

Those of us who want to self-publish literary fiction need to band together and start reviewing each other's work, and be our own gatekeepers. We do have an audience, and our audience needs to trust what they are purchasing, which means that we need to gain credibility somehow. By working together and using the knowledge that we have developed through our studies, we can show people who would potentially read our work that it is worth their time and money.

That means going beyond mere reviews and actually writing in-depth criticisms, building theory around our ideas, and arguing in favor of the direction(s) we are taking. We don't need traditional gatekeepers who represent their own corporate interests anymore than authors of genre fiction do. We can create our own scene, and draw people to it.

Which is what indie authors of genre fiction are doing, and by taking their model and making it work for us, we can be successful.

Update on Escapes/Out in the Garage

Just thought I'd give an update on Escapes, the third and final edition of my first novel. In case you hadn't noticed, I (just slightly) altered the description of it:

Some people escape from life’s track to avoid confronting the hurdles. For Lance Adamson, anyway, that is the case—although, he comes by it naturally. Born poor in the Republican stronghold of Nodtown, Ohio, he quickly realizes that life for some people is more difficult than it is for others. For some, there are problems you cannot escape, no matter how hard you try. In fact, most catch up with you sooner or later, and when they do, your life really gets turned upside down. For Lance, that’s when his main escape becomes his greatest passion.

I did this for clarity and brevity. I wanted to say just enough but not too much--lead the reader on just the right amount and entice him or her to read the sample or even  purchase the book outright.

For this edition, I am going to seek out criticism and see how it goes. It couldn't go any worse than it already has. Bad reviews happen, but so do good ones. People have varied tastes, and I believe I have something to offer. I believe I can get good reviews if I seek the reviewers that cater to my specific audience. I have taken the criticism I have gotten over the years, considered it all very carefully, compared it to my intentions and my goals, determined the necessary changes, and incorporated them into the text.

Personally, I also believe that this is the best version of the story, and the one that I will be satisfied with to come. I have come full circle with it: I have worked to clarify the story and achieve the effect I was intending from the beginning. It has taken many twists and turns, but I feel confident about what I have learned, and how it has affected my writing and editing skills, and how those skills have in turn affected my ability to produce this text.

Additionally, I have learned a lot through my experimentation with publishing, and I am always looking to improve the quality of the paperbacks and eBooks themselves. Also, for the best ways to market them.

While I still might have much to learn, I believe I have gotten what I can get out of this current project, or, rather, that I am going to get out of it what I am going to get with this latest edition. I, of course, still have much else in the works, so all further experimentation will be with those projects.

I do believe that the third time is the charm, or at least it is in this circumstance. While it might be superstitious to believe so, if I am careful, I can prove it to be true.

Underground Following?

So apparently the second edition of Out in the Garage is being downloaded and read off of some illegal sites somewhere, which, upon first finding out, irritated the shit out of me.

But then it occurred to me: people are actually reading and liking the damned thing, which is what any author wants, really, isn't it?

It still bothers me that people are getting it illegally, but I am happy that people are posting comments like this one:

"It is easy to characterize this book in one word – masterpiece!"

I am not sure what part of the web these forums exist on, but I don't think it's on the surface side, if you know what I mean. 

So, as I sit here in a bit of shock, even though it is not my favorite edition, I have opened the second edition for sale as an eBook on Smashwords and Amazon.

Maybe there are people out there willing to pay 99 cents for it.

UPDATE:

I have also decided to re-release the second edition as a paperback. The process usually takes about 24 hours before Createspace will release it for sale after I click the button.

Also, just FYI, I am still releasing the third edition, Escapes, but I might just keep all three editions open for sale.

A Book Description, A Bio, and a Fun Fact

In case you were wondering,  here is the book description, the bio, and the fun fact from the back of the last edition of my first novel, Escapes (formerly Out in the Garage). I am very excited about this project, and I think that people are going to really like this final version. After a lot of careful thinking and some effort, I have been able to transform it into its best version. Over the past year, I have really grown as an editor, thanks to being a grad student and working as an adjunct. This is by far my favorite version, and I am proud to say that it is finally the satire I intended when I started writing it ten or eleven years ago. The first two versions had some good qualities, but they both also fall short in a number of ways. The novel is now more focused and cohesive than ever, and it is organized how it needs to be to give people the effect I was intending while playing on my strengths (and hopefully minimizing my weakness) as a writer. Please take the time to check this out on JUNE 1 when it comes out:

Some people escape from life’s track to avoid confronting the hurdles. For Lance Adamson, anyway, that is the case—although, he came by it naturally. After all, like anyone, he is the product of his upbringing. Born poor in the Republican stronghold of Nodtown, Ohio, he quickly realizes that life for some people is more difficult than it is for others—some people just have more shit to deal with. Some, like Lance, find out that there are problems you cannot escape, no matter how hard you try. In fact, most catch up with you sooner or later, and when they do, your life really gets turned upside down. Fortunately, someone as resourceful as Lance can always find a new distraction.

Gabe Gott is a husband, writer, human being, music geek living in Akron, OH. He has degrees in literature from Kent State University and The University of Akron. You can find his short story collection, his blog, and his flash fiction in various locations around the web. Fun fact: he prefers creamy peanut butter over crunchy.

Take It In

My wife has already been up for two hours when I get up up at 9:47 and walk down the stairs. She is watching HGTV, which has become our latest addiction, as we dream of one day buying a house and remodeling it. The dream is still on the horizon, and we keep chasing it down, hour by hour, day by day, year by year, until, one day...

But for now we settle for the dream, still deep within the romance of the  idea, as realistic as we are trying to be about it.

She goes off and does her thing; I get my coffee, and then get an urge and change the station. It's time. Reporters and politicians are screaming across tables at one another in elegant voices, lost in linguistic sword fighting. These are the people who perpetuate the status quo through their inability to come to any terms--but the people aren't that divided. We are just meek, or so we think.

She is kissing me on the cheek as I am lost, trapped in a cave, staring at the shadows. Then she is pulling out the driveway, and I realize a few minutes later that I am by myself. 

Then it is over, and I get this urgent need to be productive so I clean. The dishes. The counters. The floors. The cat boxes... Before long the windows are letting in the insecure sunlight, and everything is glowing as the scene of my neighborhood fills my windows as I sit at my desk in my office, and I wonder how many around me have also won their Sundays. In this neighborhood, probably more than a few.

I realize that I don't stop enough and appreciate  my accomplishments, I am too caught up in the chase for more. I was swept away in the whirlwind and I have gotten too busy to notice that I am all of the sudden in technicolor. I need to catch my breath and slow the beating of my heart and stop the rush. I become awash in the softness of the daylight, and just take it all in... I let my breath out and become awaken to a  new state of mind... Seizing the day, I pull out my guitar.

300 Words A Day

When it comes to finishing the draft of a novel, the task can seem daunting. The fact that I have previously written a novel fills me with more confidence than I had the first time around, especially since I have taken lengths to correct the mistakes that I made that first time.

In that regard, I have taken a lot of time to consider what I want to say and brainstorm it out in advance. I even have an informal outline, which will give me a basis to work from and a way to keep myself on track. These are all important things, but it doesn't mean much if you don't then work towards the goal at hand, which, for me, is to write a first draft this year.

Since I work three jobs and am looking for a full-time position, and have a life besides, it is difficult to find the time to actually sit down and get busy. Even when I do, it doesn't ever seem like enough. Since I started writing this one, I have written 2,837 words, and have had a difficult time motivating myself when I do have the time, since it seems like I am barely making any progress. 

Then, last night, it hit me--one of those late night revelations. If I write at least 300 words a day, that amounts to 2,100 words a week, and if I keep it up through the rest of the year, then that adds up to 96,600 words, for a total of 99,437 words, which leaves me just 563 words short of my 100,000-word goal (for the first draft).

So, as you can see, it is all a matter of perspective. If you change your perspective enough, you can change your approach and accomplish the task that you set out to do. 100,000 words undoubtedly is a daunting goal, but 300 words a day seems very doable.

It will take discipline, but if I push myself, I can accomplish the task. After all, I did write a novel once before, and with no experience, and far less planning or knowledge about the process. Now that I have studied writing, and have some experience and a solid working plan, I feel a lot better about the whole endeavor. Now, I just have to do it.

NOTE: This blog post is 386 words (minus this note), and it took me about 20 minutes to write. When you consider that, it makes 300 words a day on my novel seem even more doable.

Indie and Proud!

While I am not trying to be a best-selling author, and I am trying to focus more on my second novel, I am still a bit unsatisfied with my first novel, Out in the Garage, and feel that I need to make some changes to it, which might be a faux pas, but I don't really care.

Nowadays, I am guessing by the massive amount of money that goes into publishing books, authors, especially ones who are published by the big-time publishers, don't tend to make changes to books once they are published; however, that has not always been the case. Novels such as Ulysses and The Picture of Dorian Gray have both had changes made to them by the authors to improve them in some way. While I would not put myself in the same category as Joyce or Wilde, if they can get away with it then so can I.

Perhaps I have tried to focus on being business-minded in the past, but I am moving away from the idea of seeing my work as products to be sold and moving toward the perspective of seeing them as works of art. While some people out there might think that is bullshit, or whatever--just an excuse to write in a crappy or obscure way--I believe that current publishing standards tend to place style over substance and saleability over originality. Not that the people who are making big bucks on best-selling books don't deserve it, it's just that I don't believe that I will ever be among those people, so rather than continuing to try to fit that mold, I am going to go in my own direction.

That is why I am not getting my MFA. I won't disparage those that do have them, or those that are pursuing them--as I do know some great writers who have them--but I don't believe it is really necessary to have one to be a great writer. In fact, from what other great writers have told me, including some with MFAs, the real trick to is to study closely how your favorite writers do it and then apply what you learn to your own work. That is what I am doing instead. Reading a lot, and closely, and attempting to learn from what I read.

If I do get another degree, it will be a Ph.D. in literary theory, which is why I am working to finish my thesis (for those that don't know, I graduated by taking extra classes). However, I did take my thesis hours, and they are technically still in progress, and I feel like I owe it to myself to finish it--if for no other reason. Maybe I won't ever get a Ph.D., but I still want to be able to put my finished thesis on my resume. I also have some papers that I want to fix, polish, and try to get published in some peer-reviewed journals, as I believe I have some good ideas, and now, from teaching and grading, I am honing my editing and polishing skills. 

For now, I am hoping to find a full-time job, settle into that for a while, and see what happens. Maybe I will like it and never go back to school, but maybe in five or ten years, I will be ready for a more advanced degree. I don't know, but one advantage of working full time is having more of a clear-cut division between work and free time, so that when I am not at work, I am free to work on whatever I want, like my thesis or my fiction.

Anyways, I have been considering changing Out in the Garage for a while, and even had that second edition published for a while. That was my attempt to appease people. Now, I want to appease myself. I have considered other, vastly different, versions of the novel, but instead I have settled on making some small changes to the existing text to cut out some distractions and to make it flow a bit better. In fact, I have more or less already made the changes. There might be a few more coming, but what I changed was fairly straight-forward and did not require a lot time. Here is a list of what will be different in the new version (when it is released):

• I cut out some unnecessary description from the first couple of pages as it was distracting and didn't really fit with the narration through the rest of the story
• I cut out the flashbacks from the first two chapters, as they added what is, essentially, unnecessary background information that is more or less implied by the plot
• I made some other small changes here and there that will probably be unnoticeable unless you do a side-by-side comparison
• I divided the book into three parts instead of the two "sides": the sides things was too gimmicky and there is a natural division in what used to be Side B of the text, which, by making the division clear, it helps make the plot and time-frame clearer 
• I am making some formatting changes to reflect higher professional standards, including putting only one space between sentences

That is pretty much it. I am toying with the idea of changing the cover, but we'll see if that happens or not. I am going to leave the description the same, as I am more or less happy with it and it does a pretty good job of catching people's attention and setting up the plot. This approach, to me, makes the most sense, since it won't change much for those who have already read it or are reading it, and they hopefully won't feel cheated; however, it will hopefully entice more people who check it out to buy it.

This way I can make myself happy and finally lay the project to rest, which is my goal by making these changes. Rather than let it continue to nag and bother me, I am going to make the effort to do something. Maybe this makes me a revisionist, or whatever, but I figure that, since I have already put like ten years into it, putting another few hours of work isn't going to make much more of a difference time-wise, and it will, in my opinion, make the book a bit more accessible without selling out my principles. After all, I am indie and proud!

NEW FLASH FICTION:

Mr. Kool-Aid’s Lost Weekend

Mr. Kool-Aid struts down the street, boombox blasting Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five.

The burned out flesh and bones that was the sixties is sprawled out against the railing of its seventy-fourth floor balcony. As the last thread of consciousness breaks,  several sheets of acid slip out of its grasp and fall straight into Mr. Kool-Aid’s top as he is breakdancing for a group of school kids.

Oooh yeeah, he says.

Seventy-four-hours later, one for every floor the acid dropped, Mr. Kool-Aid wakes up in a cell with Zack Galifinakis.

They chat for a few moments and then Mr. Kool-Aid bursts through the wall, running off, his voice echoing in the distance:

Ohhhhhhhhhh Yeaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!

Life Isn't Simple, But It Could Be

Unofficially, I am participating in National Novel Writing Month. If I had more time to actually work on it, I would make it more official--but I only have a little time to devote to it. I have a little more than 2,000 words, and I am hoping to do about 500-1000 words a week, if I can manage it. This whole "work" thing just seems to get in my way.

Work is not, however, preventing me from keeping my stories in a steady rotation of being sent out. Some of them have been out for a while, some are out for the first time, and some are out for the second. There aren't any that I have sent out three times--yet. If it happens, it happens, I am just going to keep sending them all out until I can find homes for them. I have four more unpublished short and short short stories to send out yet. My goal is to have all fifteen of them out at all times until I can find places to publish them. I will tweak them along the way, and keep experimenting and editing them, until I can figure out what works--what people like, and what journals are best for my style of writing.

I do enjoy teaching--I just wish I could make more doing it. If I could find a full-time community college gig, that would be something I would latch onto and do until a better opportunity came along. Next semester, I am teaching at least two class, but hopefully at least one more. The rest of the hours I am available, I want to spend tutoring. At this stage in my career, I will benefit from both. Tutoring, you get all the benefits of teaching--working with students, getting down to business, talking about writing, editing, using your creativity--without any of the downsides, especially the long hours spent grading and lesson planning. Two is much more manageable in that regard, and three would be the ideal number.

That is not to say that I have given up on other full-time gigs. I am still applying to stuff that seems like I am reasonably qualified for and that don't require too much experience. I could definitely find more time to do it, though. I just wish that I didn't have to sleep. Maybe then I would find enough time in one day to do everything that I want to do. My day would have to be a million years long, and I would have to age really slowly. I don't think I have time on my side there, though. No one does.

That's why life should be less complicated that we, as a society let it be. It can be as simple as it could be, we just have to change our mindset, no matter how much effort it takes. It will be worth it, no matter how much we fail, because, even if we succeed just a little bit, it will make a difference. If every generation tries to make at least a little bit of a difference--you just have to keep the gene pool going--eventually, some future generation with your DNA will get to experience peace. Just ask Geoffrey Chaucer.

A Somewhat Boring Post, but I am Old and Boring Now

Teaching five sections of English Comp is a challenge. I am constantly on my toes to keep up with my lesson planning and grading, but it is kinda fun, and certainly better than working in a restaurant--even if the pay isn't substantially better. It keeps me busy, anyways. I am still looking for full-time work, and if I have to leave in the middle of the semester then, well... I am not looking to do so, necessarily, but if it happens, it happens.

As a professor in the English department of one of my schools recently told me, I owe the schools my professionalism (which I give them), but not my loyalty (even though it is in my nature to be loyal), because I am only an adjunct, it doesn't pay well, and there are no benefits.

Besides, I would rather write than talk about writing for a living, and teaching writing doesn't leave me much time to do any writing--although, I do try to sneak it in when I am able. When I do get the opportunity, I primarily write flash fiction, since I can usually write a whole story in one sitting (although I do come back and polish them before I send them anywhere). I have sent a few out to publications, and I plan to send out more as I find more places to send them. It probably won't lead to wealth and fame, but I am hoping that by getting some stuff published it will help increase my job prospects. Every little bit helps.

It is ironic that, even after having gone back to school and finally gotten my bachelor's degree, and my master's, I am still very much in the same position as I was before I did these things, which were supposed to put me in a good position to find a better job. I suppose it could be worse, at least I have made it out of fast foot/retail sales, and I guess my future prospects are better, but it doesn't seem like it right now since I am still struggling to make ends meet.

On the radio they were saying that Akron, Ohio has the worst job-growth rate in the country, so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that I am having trouble--although, I am increasingly looking elsewhere for employment.

The important thing is that I don't give up. The only way anything is going to change is if I keep trying and keep reaching towards the future--keep doing things to increase my opportunities and hopefully improve my quality of life. Maybe I won't succeed, maybe I won't ever make it out of this rut, but, you know, at least I tried.

Giving in to Insecurities and Paranoia, or Finding Peace

"He gazed up at the enormous face.  Forty years it had taken him to learn what kind of smile was hidden beneath the dark mustache.  O cruel, needless misunderstanding!  O stubborn, self-willed exile from the loving breast!  Two gin-scented tears trickled down the sides of his nose.  But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished.  He had won the victory over himself.  He loved Big Brother."--George Orwell, 1984

Through my schooling, I have begun to realize that there is no objective Truth--at least not in the way that most people understand it--and that all truths are others' narratives where they seek to understand life and the ways of the universe, and perhaps some are closer than others to some sliver of understanding.  I have realized, to some extent, that it is absurd that we continue to live by others' narrow conceptions of life while feeling miserable and powerless to do anything for ourselves because everything seems so far out of our control.

But that lack of control is an illusion, it is a fundamental part of the status quo--that subjective truth that the major lives by--because it is how social order is maintained.  If people realized that truth is malleable--that they are living by others' conceptions of life and not their own, and that they can create their own conception of living based around their needs and not others'--they would realize that it is possible to change their lives and to live the way they choose.  

Of course, it is not as easy as all that.  The status quo has a powerful effect on people, feeding them lies about morality and nature, feeding them things to desire in order to distract them from their actual desires, making them powerless, by choice, to make any significant changes.  The shackles are there because we place them on ourselves.  

In spite of these shackles, there are changes that need to be made.  Instead of each going off in our own direction, however, we should work together to create our own conception of the status quo, and bring about a new, more encompassing version of the social contract, one that leaves no one out of it. We need to strike a balance between our individual needs and social needs, and not allow anyone to have too much authority over either.

Otherwise, we are going to destroy ourselves, or let ourselves be destroyed.

Somebody is going to attempt to create change, and instead of meaningful change, they are going to create chaos and further erode our freedoms.  Your finger might not be on the trigger, but if you sit by and idly watch as everything unfolds around you, your complacency allows that trigger to be pulled, and you are every much as deserving the blame as the person actually pulling it, because you did nothing to stop it.  If more people don't stand up and fight for what they believe, and what they really believe and not what they have been lead to believe, then it will be too late.

It might already be too late.  We might just be trapped in a cycle that will only be increasingly more difficult to escape  The void might already be below us, and all we have to do is look down to realize that we are already falling into emptiness...

But wait...  Is that merely me projecting my own insecurities, my own conception of reality?  Are things really that way, or am I just paranoid, insecure, and feeling betrayed by my intelligence?  

Even though I have worked hard, and struggled, but never-the-less supposedly succeeded in doing what I was told would help me get a better job and earn a living, and pay off my bills, buy a house, a car, etc., pursuing "the American Dream", it has gotten me none of those things, so far, and I only seem to be getting further and further away from them.

It has all seemed to turn out to be a lie that has been perpetuated so that more people would go to college, so the administrations, filled with people with business degrees, could justify their large salaries and the turning of the institutions of learning into for-profit businesses that feed off of government-sponsored student loans, putting those who they are seeking to control, under control, since being in debt places limitations on you that are hard to get past.

It doesn't seem like I am projecting, but then again, a crazy person supposedly doesn't know he is crazy.  Maybe I am truly crazy and out of line, and just need to accept reality as it is and not as I think it should be.

Maybe, like Winston Smith, I just need to accept that there are forces that are more powerful than me, accept my powerlessness and their power over me, and just move forward, and take whatever job, and do it, and do it, and do it, until I can't even remember what the hell my problem was in the first place. 

Or maybe the zombie apocalypse is already happening, and most people have already lost and the only real way to survive is to think for yourself.  Maybe that means that you will never succeed in their conception of the world, but maybe that is okay.

Maybe it is okay to have a different value system--one that is predicated on empathy and sound judgment rather than on just following what you are supposed to do unquestioningly.  Maybe true freedom is a state of mind, and that you can break free from the shackles and live the way that you wish to live, regardless of what it seems like everyone else around you is doing.  Maybe it is all about how you perceive reality, rather than how reality is.  Maybe you do have control over it, and by selecting a better narrative, you can have a better life.

Perhaps you do need a job to survive in the world, but that job doesn't have to be your life.  It doesn't have to control you, and you don't have to place your soul on the altar of some artificial value system.  Maybe the best thing to do is to find a job that allows you to have a balance between your life, and your job function, so that you can dedicate yourself to that job function when you are performing it, and leave it behind at the end of the day.  Perhaps, it is all about finding a balance and finding a state of mind that allows you to be at peace with yourself and the world around you.  Maybe that is maturity.

The real battle isn't you versus others, you vs. society, you vs. sin, you vs. whatever other outside force that may or may not be real, but you vs. yourself.

Self-Administered Pep Talks Do Work

Here is the my "production" schedule for Out in the Garage between now and July 4:

This Week:

1. Do some light editing/proofreading of the manuscript and make sure I am happy with it
2. Update downloadable sample to reflect any changes
3. Finish uploading files to Create Space and order a proof

ASAP:

1. Proofread it for typos when I get it
2. Update the manuscript with any (minimal) changes that I have to make
3. Upload the updated manuscript (If there aren't many typos, there will be no need for another proof; if there are a lot of typos, I will order another proof and go through it again, just to be safe, and go through the final proofreading process again.)
4. Format the eBook version
5. Upload eBook version to Smashwords, Kindle Direct Publishing, etc.
6. Release for Sale, July 4, 2014

In other news, in my Digital Humanities class, I am doing my paper on digital publishing.  I need to do some research and hone the topic down into something that I can write about in 16-20 pages, but, obviously, it is something that really piques my interest, and hopefully I can apply what I learn to this "project" (i.e. this obsession, compulsion, delusion, hobby, dream).

Anyways, I thought some of you might be curious/interested to see my game plan to get this novel finished and out to the public, finally.  Well, finally, again.  But this is finally, finally (finally!).  No matter what happens, I am going to move on, and apply what I learn to the next project.  I will say that this version is, in my opinion, anyway, by far the best I have ever done, and I feel like I can be happy with all of my choices, no matter what.  I know I keep saying it, but I can't emphasize it enough.  This is it.

Out in the Garage [Second Edition] Preview Available via Goodreads

Follow this link for a preview of the upcoming July 4th release of the second edition of Out in the Garage

NEW COVER:

To more fully differentiate between the versions of Out in the Garage, I have designed (with the help of my wife) a new cover:

I am very excited about everything that is happening and the direction I am headed, and this will be the last time I work on it before I publish it and move on to other project(s).  I know that I have put my all into this project and, while taking advice but also trusting my instinct, I can't be happier with how it has turned out.  Like I have been saying all along, I have been experimenting with a lot of ideas to try to figure out this whole publishing business.  I finally feel like I am getting a good grasp on it.