How I Know That My Book is Finished

It is no secret that I have been working on my first novel for quite a while (around eleven years), and that I have previously published two editions of it, and that I just published a third.

At risk of developing a Whitman-like obsession for perfection, I am finally putting it to rest. It has been a long arduous process, but I am ready.

As an indie author, and a steadfast one at that, I have no one telling me when it's ready, and it's not like baking something from a recipe. It takes trial and error, careful, honest criticism, and patience. Well, maybe baking is like that too.

When it comes down to it, though, there are a few particular reasons why I know I am finished, which I would like to share with you, so that maybe your process isn't quite so long and arduous--or at least you'll know that you aren't alone.

Every Possibility...Considered

Eleven years is a long time to work on any one project, even a novel. While it is not the longest time I have heard, it is up there. Over that time, I have considered every possibility--some I have rejected, some I have tried and then rejected, and some I have tried and they have shaped how my book is today. 

Perhaps I have taken too much time in doing so, but because I did not know what I was doing when I started, which I am sure is the case with most people when they sit down to write that first novel, I wasn't sure on the direction I was going to go with it, and it took shape how it took shape.

After I finished the first draft, I went back and immediately reconsidered everything. And again. I had some people read it and give me feedback, and that shaped it as well. Maybe I did not take every piece of advice, but I at least considered it all.

Then I went back to school and studied literature and fiction writing, and that shaped it a great deal. I had more people read it, including an editor at one of the big publishing companies (who I went to college with), and I changed it again after some careful consideration.

Grad school came around, and the book continued to be molded based on my increased knowledge and experience. Midway through my second year, I decided to self-publish it. Afterwards, I got some less-than-pleasing feedback, which caused me to reconsider every choice that I made.

I went back and changed it a great deal to fix the perceived shortcomings, and then I published the second edition, which is considerable different from the first--but it didn't take long for me to realize that I still wasn't happy with it. I didn't recognize what it had become, and I realized I had let too many outside people shape it.

The Path Has Reached It's End

After taking some time off from it and letting the entire experience sink in and work its way around my brain, I decided to give it one last go.

I decided upon a very clear direction, and set to work. I went back to the first edition, which more resembled what I had originally intended, and reshaped it based on my new perspective. 

Carefully and thoroughly, I made changes. Then I went through it again and ruthlessly edited it, and again, and again. I changed the way that I edit so that I could be more consistent and thorough. Then I proofread it until I was satisfied with every aspect of it.

In my mind, I have taken it as far in that direction as it can logically go, and if I change it again, it will take away from that. I have very consciously made my decisions, and while they all might not sit well with the status quo, I am satisfied, and believe I have made it into what it should be--what I intended it to be from the beginning.

When It's Time, It's Time

Just because I have focused on this one project for so long, it doesn't mean that I haven't had other ideas. In fact, I have started four other books.

If I continue to go back and make changes to this one project, I will never get to those others, which are very different in a number of ways. As I said, when I started the first one, I didn't know what I was doing. That is not the case with any of these others. They were all started later, and they all have a much clearer direction than the first one ever did.

I am severely limiting myself if I only work on this one project for the rest of my life, and I believe that the best is yet to come. If Fitzgerald had spent his whole career on This Side of Paradise, he never would have written The Great Gatsby. 

Every time I go back to that first one, I am delaying the completion of all the others. I can take what I have learned and incorporate it into the next project.

Perfection is Unattainable

Perfection is an entirely subjective measure when it comes to novel-writing. Tastes change over time, and what is popular today might not (and probably won't be) popular two years from now.

Not to mention, not everyone is ever going to like your book. Some people are going to hate it, and no matter how great you or others consider it to be, it doesn't matter. Just look at the Amazon or Goodreads reviews of canonical writers like Shakespeare. If ol' Billy Shakes gets bad reviews, so will you.

That is a hard lesson to learn. You just have to take the negative for what it is and be confident that someone out there wants to read your book as it is now.

Once you are finished, and it has turned out how you intended, the next step is selling it. Finding that audience, getting it in front them, and influencing them to purchase it. Unless you are extremely lucky, books don't sell themselves. You have to make the effort to sell them. If you want to be successful, learn marketing and advertising. If someone can get rich off of selling pet rocks, then anything is possible if you set your mind to it and work towards it.

I am confident that I can find an audience for my book, and that I can accept the fact that, as Taylor Swift says, "haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate." It's going to take time and effort, and thick skin, but that doesn't mean that I need to stop and go back to the beginning. It means that I just need to keep pushing forward.

Try Me.

Underground Following?

So apparently the second edition of Out in the Garage is being downloaded and read off of some illegal sites somewhere, which, upon first finding out, irritated the shit out of me.

But then it occurred to me: people are actually reading and liking the damned thing, which is what any author wants, really, isn't it?

It still bothers me that people are getting it illegally, but I am happy that people are posting comments like this one:

"It is easy to characterize this book in one word – masterpiece!"

I am not sure what part of the web these forums exist on, but I don't think it's on the surface side, if you know what I mean. 

So, as I sit here in a bit of shock, even though it is not my favorite edition, I have opened the second edition for sale as an eBook on Smashwords and Amazon.

Maybe there are people out there willing to pay 99 cents for it.

UPDATE:

I have also decided to re-release the second edition as a paperback. The process usually takes about 24 hours before Createspace will release it for sale after I click the button.

Also, just FYI, I am still releasing the third edition, Escapes, but I might just keep all three editions open for sale.

A Book Description, A Bio, and a Fun Fact

In case you were wondering,  here is the book description, the bio, and the fun fact from the back of the last edition of my first novel, Escapes (formerly Out in the Garage). I am very excited about this project, and I think that people are going to really like this final version. After a lot of careful thinking and some effort, I have been able to transform it into its best version. Over the past year, I have really grown as an editor, thanks to being a grad student and working as an adjunct. This is by far my favorite version, and I am proud to say that it is finally the satire I intended when I started writing it ten or eleven years ago. The first two versions had some good qualities, but they both also fall short in a number of ways. The novel is now more focused and cohesive than ever, and it is organized how it needs to be to give people the effect I was intending while playing on my strengths (and hopefully minimizing my weakness) as a writer. Please take the time to check this out on JUNE 1 when it comes out:

Some people escape from life’s track to avoid confronting the hurdles. For Lance Adamson, anyway, that is the case—although, he came by it naturally. After all, like anyone, he is the product of his upbringing. Born poor in the Republican stronghold of Nodtown, Ohio, he quickly realizes that life for some people is more difficult than it is for others—some people just have more shit to deal with. Some, like Lance, find out that there are problems you cannot escape, no matter how hard you try. In fact, most catch up with you sooner or later, and when they do, your life really gets turned upside down. Fortunately, someone as resourceful as Lance can always find a new distraction.

Gabe Gott is a husband, writer, human being, music geek living in Akron, OH. He has degrees in literature from Kent State University and The University of Akron. You can find his short story collection, his blog, and his flash fiction in various locations around the web. Fun fact: he prefers creamy peanut butter over crunchy.

Take It In

My wife has already been up for two hours when I get up up at 9:47 and walk down the stairs. She is watching HGTV, which has become our latest addiction, as we dream of one day buying a house and remodeling it. The dream is still on the horizon, and we keep chasing it down, hour by hour, day by day, year by year, until, one day...

But for now we settle for the dream, still deep within the romance of the  idea, as realistic as we are trying to be about it.

She goes off and does her thing; I get my coffee, and then get an urge and change the station. It's time. Reporters and politicians are screaming across tables at one another in elegant voices, lost in linguistic sword fighting. These are the people who perpetuate the status quo through their inability to come to any terms--but the people aren't that divided. We are just meek, or so we think.

She is kissing me on the cheek as I am lost, trapped in a cave, staring at the shadows. Then she is pulling out the driveway, and I realize a few minutes later that I am by myself. 

Then it is over, and I get this urgent need to be productive so I clean. The dishes. The counters. The floors. The cat boxes... Before long the windows are letting in the insecure sunlight, and everything is glowing as the scene of my neighborhood fills my windows as I sit at my desk in my office, and I wonder how many around me have also won their Sundays. In this neighborhood, probably more than a few.

I realize that I don't stop enough and appreciate  my accomplishments, I am too caught up in the chase for more. I was swept away in the whirlwind and I have gotten too busy to notice that I am all of the sudden in technicolor. I need to catch my breath and slow the beating of my heart and stop the rush. I become awash in the softness of the daylight, and just take it all in... I let my breath out and become awaken to a  new state of mind... Seizing the day, I pull out my guitar.

Making Progress on Your Novel is Hard, But You Have to Keep At It

My second novel, which shall for now remain nameless, is coming along, somewhat. Definitely slower than I had hoped. Definitely not doing the three-hundred words a day; although, I am making progress. It's hard to find the time. When I do, I try to make the most of it, though.

I don't think it is going to turn out as long as I had originally thought. I don't really think stretching it is the right approach, so it will just have to come out naturally and be what it is. That's how these things kind of take on lives of their own.

Of course, I am writing from an outline, but I am leaving a lot of room for the moment. For me, the outline is only the skeleton, and I have to flesh it out and make it a living and breathing organism. That can only come from a little bit of inspiration and a lot a bit of putting my fingers to the keyboard or my pen to the notebook and making progress.

When I think back about how I wrote the first one, I remember taking every free moment to work on it. At the time, I was living in Chicago and was constantly, every day, riding public transportation, mostly the Redline El traveling between Wrigleyville and downtown Chicago or vice versa.

For work, I got off at the State and Lake Station, which is right down the street from the Chicago Theatre; for home, I got off at Addison, which was literally Wrigley Field. With headphones buzzing, I spent equal amounts of time gawking out the window, people watching, and writing. The first draft took about six to eight months to finish in this fashion, after having spent like five years writing around thirty pages.

Then I spent a lot of time editing and rewriting it, and I would also do that while riding the trains. I paid to get it printed, so I had these giant, three-hundred-page stacks of 8.5 x 11 white paper with this world I created printed on it. I would read it and mark it up, writing in the margins; then I would go home at night and incorporate all of the changes to the file. I went through this process several times.

The second time isn't as romantic; although, I have matured quite a bit, and learned a lot, and hopefully it shows in the quality of my writing and my ideas.

Hopefully, one day, it will all pay off. Then again, maybe, in some ways, it already has... Sometimes, money isn't everything. I don't know if I can describe in concrete terms what writing does do for me, but it has to be as close of a thing to an orgasm or a religious experience as anything I have ever experienced.

Update on Third Edition of First Novel

As I previously announced, I am working on a third edition of Out in the Garage, which isn't significantly different, but it is an improvement on the previous editions for a number of reasons. See my previous post, Indie and Proud!, for more details on the changes.

As it stands now, I am nearly finished with this final edition; however, I am considering making a couple of additional changes, which came to light while I was working on the ones previously outlined. I am considering changing the title back to the original, pre-published title, Escapes, as it hits on one of the main themes, and might help to open up the novel to more people.

While considering changing the title, I rewrote the description, and the new description really helps to elucidate the idea that I think was previously obscured, and it, coupled with the title, might also help to explain some of the more confusing aspects of the novel. That is not to say that I give anything away, but when a reader gets to those points, it will make a lot more sense.

Out in the Garage, while a good, and definitely a unique, title, might be a little misleading, since it only seems to focus on one aspect of the novel, and doesn't really seem to encompass all of it, which Escapes does a better job of doing.

Also, I have a new book cover design that I really like, and that adds to the artistry of the whole endeavor. I also think it is better than the original design, and it incorporates the change in title and the new description, as well.

What do you think about the new title/description/cover design?

Here are the (front and back) covers:

And here is the new description:

In many ways, Lance Adamson’s whole life has been defined by escapes: his dad escaping the responsibilities of parenthood through the bottom of a bottle, Lance and his mom escaping that drunken sperm donor and moving in with Grandpa Harry, and Lance, himself, escaping the bullying at school through playing drums. When Lance is sitting at his drum set, which he learned to play by way of jazz-loving Grandpa Harry’s careful instruction, the only thing that matters is the music—everything from the world outside the garage ceases to exist for a while. Seemingly, no matter what is happening in his life, he can be free from it—as long as the euphoria lasts. However, as Lance finds out, there are some things that you cannot escape from forever, no matter how hard you try. In fact, most things catch back up with you sooner or later, and, when they do, it can really turn your life upside down. Fortunately, someone as resourceful as Lance can always find a new way to escape.

If you need something to compare them to, check out the BOOKS Page for the originals.

I am really learning towards the changes, but I haven't fully made up my mind yet. When I do, I will announce it.

Indie and Proud!

While I am not trying to be a best-selling author, and I am trying to focus more on my second novel, I am still a bit unsatisfied with my first novel, Out in the Garage, and feel that I need to make some changes to it, which might be a faux pas, but I don't really care.

Nowadays, I am guessing by the massive amount of money that goes into publishing books, authors, especially ones who are published by the big-time publishers, don't tend to make changes to books once they are published; however, that has not always been the case. Novels such as Ulysses and The Picture of Dorian Gray have both had changes made to them by the authors to improve them in some way. While I would not put myself in the same category as Joyce or Wilde, if they can get away with it then so can I.

Perhaps I have tried to focus on being business-minded in the past, but I am moving away from the idea of seeing my work as products to be sold and moving toward the perspective of seeing them as works of art. While some people out there might think that is bullshit, or whatever--just an excuse to write in a crappy or obscure way--I believe that current publishing standards tend to place style over substance and saleability over originality. Not that the people who are making big bucks on best-selling books don't deserve it, it's just that I don't believe that I will ever be among those people, so rather than continuing to try to fit that mold, I am going to go in my own direction.

That is why I am not getting my MFA. I won't disparage those that do have them, or those that are pursuing them--as I do know some great writers who have them--but I don't believe it is really necessary to have one to be a great writer. In fact, from what other great writers have told me, including some with MFAs, the real trick to is to study closely how your favorite writers do it and then apply what you learn to your own work. That is what I am doing instead. Reading a lot, and closely, and attempting to learn from what I read.

If I do get another degree, it will be a Ph.D. in literary theory, which is why I am working to finish my thesis (for those that don't know, I graduated by taking extra classes). However, I did take my thesis hours, and they are technically still in progress, and I feel like I owe it to myself to finish it--if for no other reason. Maybe I won't ever get a Ph.D., but I still want to be able to put my finished thesis on my resume. I also have some papers that I want to fix, polish, and try to get published in some peer-reviewed journals, as I believe I have some good ideas, and now, from teaching and grading, I am honing my editing and polishing skills. 

For now, I am hoping to find a full-time job, settle into that for a while, and see what happens. Maybe I will like it and never go back to school, but maybe in five or ten years, I will be ready for a more advanced degree. I don't know, but one advantage of working full time is having more of a clear-cut division between work and free time, so that when I am not at work, I am free to work on whatever I want, like my thesis or my fiction.

Anyways, I have been considering changing Out in the Garage for a while, and even had that second edition published for a while. That was my attempt to appease people. Now, I want to appease myself. I have considered other, vastly different, versions of the novel, but instead I have settled on making some small changes to the existing text to cut out some distractions and to make it flow a bit better. In fact, I have more or less already made the changes. There might be a few more coming, but what I changed was fairly straight-forward and did not require a lot time. Here is a list of what will be different in the new version (when it is released):

• I cut out some unnecessary description from the first couple of pages as it was distracting and didn't really fit with the narration through the rest of the story
• I cut out the flashbacks from the first two chapters, as they added what is, essentially, unnecessary background information that is more or less implied by the plot
• I made some other small changes here and there that will probably be unnoticeable unless you do a side-by-side comparison
• I divided the book into three parts instead of the two "sides": the sides things was too gimmicky and there is a natural division in what used to be Side B of the text, which, by making the division clear, it helps make the plot and time-frame clearer 
• I am making some formatting changes to reflect higher professional standards, including putting only one space between sentences

That is pretty much it. I am toying with the idea of changing the cover, but we'll see if that happens or not. I am going to leave the description the same, as I am more or less happy with it and it does a pretty good job of catching people's attention and setting up the plot. This approach, to me, makes the most sense, since it won't change much for those who have already read it or are reading it, and they hopefully won't feel cheated; however, it will hopefully entice more people who check it out to buy it.

This way I can make myself happy and finally lay the project to rest, which is my goal by making these changes. Rather than let it continue to nag and bother me, I am going to make the effort to do something. Maybe this makes me a revisionist, or whatever, but I figure that, since I have already put like ten years into it, putting another few hours of work isn't going to make much more of a difference time-wise, and it will, in my opinion, make the book a bit more accessible without selling out my principles. After all, I am indie and proud!

Considering: A Well-Respected Man About Town

Lately I have been torn. I like teaching, and I like writing, but I don't necessarily have to have jobs doing either. I would do well at those sorts of jobs, but I could do well at lots of other jobs, too. I think the key is to remain open and hope for the best. You also have to be prepared for the possibility that a job won't come your way on its own, and you will have to seek it out.

When doing so, you have to be open to everything that fits, not just one thing or another. Of course, it is okay to have preferences, but don't let your  unimportant preferences overrule what could be good positions with decent companies. Consider taking full advantage of each opportunity, if possible, before you choose one over the others--if you are lucky enough to have a choice. That way, if you have a choice to make, your choice will be well-considered among all the choices, and as a result you will have a greater opportunity to maximize your benefits.

Not all positions are created equal: you have to think about whether or not you truly have the skill-set required for that position, whether you have a realistic chance of getting such a position, whether you have the right amount of experience. You also have to consider whether the position is paying enough, whether the benefits are fair, and whether it's close enough to be a reasonable commute. By comparing each of the positions, you will apply for the ones within a range of how well they fit those needs based on your analysis. This is also true with different types of jobs.

For example, as a teacher, I have no work-life balance, but I have more room to make decisions about how I spend my time, because I only have class and office hours for so much time. After those obligations are finished, I can continue working, or take a break, and work later, or get up earlier, and work and work. The only thing that matters is that you finish your work. If you can do that, then you can do stuff. You can also work crazy hours for like the last two weeks and finish up everything. The key benefit here, I think, is flexibility.

Whereas, having a full-time job with a regular schedule has a different set of benefits. You have to fully commit to the job while you are there, but for the most part, outside of the job, you can do what you want. There are clearly defined barriers. As long as you are available to work when they need you to work, having that type of all-or-nothing separation makes it possible to more fully concentrate on family, friends, and hobbies outside of work. Also, the pay is often better, especially if you have gone to school for long enough, and you are applying for the right types of positions.

I am in a weird frame of mind to be not partial to either teaching or other types of jobs--until I actually have to lean this way or that. That way, when I commit to one, I can commit to it fully and without too many regrets, because I will have considered every possibility, at length, beforehand. I will somewhat know what to expect and how to maximize the benefits, as much as possible.

Whatever happens, I hope that I can continue writing fiction and playing music, and justify doing both, because I enjoy them, and they keep me sane. Further, as long as I can continue doing both in any capacity, I will be happy. In other words, at least I know how I will be spending my free time.

[Oh Hell, Here's another one] NEW FLASH FICTION:

The Secret Family Recipe

Duke tried to warn people for years, but the family kept him silenced.

The recipe was passed down through the generations, and millions, maybe even billions, bought and enjoyed those beans—in spite of not knowing exactly what was in them.

The secret was, after all, the gimmick.

Maybe the fact that the family had a talking dog should have clued people in a bit sooner to the fact that they were up to something a bit more nefarious than just making a profit: it’s not pork in those baked beans.

NEW FLASH FICTION:

Mr. Kool-Aid’s Lost Weekend

Mr. Kool-Aid struts down the street, boombox blasting Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five.

The burned out flesh and bones that was the sixties is sprawled out against the railing of its seventy-fourth floor balcony. As the last thread of consciousness breaks,  several sheets of acid slip out of its grasp and fall straight into Mr. Kool-Aid’s top as he is breakdancing for a group of school kids.

Oooh yeeah, he says.

Seventy-four-hours later, one for every floor the acid dropped, Mr. Kool-Aid wakes up in a cell with Zack Galifinakis.

They chat for a few moments and then Mr. Kool-Aid bursts through the wall, running off, his voice echoing in the distance:

Ohhhhhhhhhh Yeaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!

Happy Independent's Day!

It's Independence Day, but it is also, for all intents and purposes, Independent's Day, as well--since I am indeed an indie author!

The second (and final) edition of my first novel, Out in the Garage, is now out for sale on Create Space! Right now it is in paperback only, but, in the next day or two, it will appear in both print and digital formats in other online markets. Perhaps I will eventually get it distributed to some indie bookstores locally, as well.

This, as I have said, is the final edition of my first novel. How it has turned out is how it is going to be from now to the end of time. I am happy and excited, and I believe it is at its best ever, and I hope people will give it a chance, since the changes are a direct result of feedback that I have received from people I trust. It has come a long way in the past ten years, and I am glad to be moving on to the next project, which is really already under way--it is now, officially, though.

To make sure I don't change my mind and try to go back or whatever, I am moving straight into the next one, diving in head first. It is a much different book, in both the story itself and in the way I am coming at it. The first one I just started writing without any plan, and this one I have planned very carefully. We'll see how this helps. My goal to to be publishing it this time next year, which I believe is entirely reasonable. I have learned a lot and I am going to hopefully demonstrate it with this project.

I am not going to specifically state which project I have decided to pick up and get under way. As you know, I have a huge backlog of ideas from which to choose--although, some are further along than others. It will be kind of a surprise  to everyone when I announce which one, which will be much closer to the time that it is finished. For now, I will simply refer to it as novel #2.

Always on My Mind

Searching for a job is never an easy task, especially when you are searching for a career. Most people--or, rather, many people, at any rate--go to college and study a particular field in order to establish a career in that field. I started out studying journalism and then made the switch to English, but the goal has always been to establish a career as a writer, as I have a natural affinity for writing and I do it all the time anyway. I have always been able to adapt to new styles and improve my writing with every class that I have taken, and I enjoy talking about it and influencing others to become better at it. This is probably why I have gotten into teaching, which is--or, at least, can be--an honorable profession. I am relatively new at it, and I still have a lot to learn, but it is something I can see myself doing.

However, it would not be honest of me if I said that it was my main goal, since my true desire is to be a professional writer. That is not to say that I don't like teaching, or that I wouldn't do it as a professional, it just means that I have the passion, and indeed, the determination, to be a professional writer, and I intend to follow through with that goal until I reach a point where I truly cannot move forward.

If I had been more diligent when I was younger, and had not let outside influences distract me and turn me away from my goal, I would be further ahead now. As a student journalist, I was published weekly in the entertainment pull-out of my (award-winning) college newspaper. After my first semester as a correspondent, I was promoted to entertainment reporter, and then had some problems in my personal life that distracted me from my career goals, and the semester after I became a reporter, I was back to correspondent again. It was no failing on my part as a writer, but I felt like I had failed. Instead of working through my problems and not giving up, and pushing through the hard times and focusing on school and working as a student journalist, I took a break. Not because I didn't want to continue working towards my goal, but because I needed time to get my life together before I continued on my path.

Out in the "real world," I worked and struggled to make ends meet, trying to figure out how to make the best of life. During this time, I met my wife, spent a couple years in Chicago, and reaffirmed what I had known all along: being a writer is a part of my identity. I went back to school, older, more mature, and more determined than ever. Changing my major to English, I not only graduated, but ended up going on to grad school, working the whole time, balancing my personal life, my school work, and a job, and I struggled, but the kind of struggling that makes a person stronger and more capable of succeeding, because, even when it was difficult, I didn't crack and give in to the pressure, I continued working and pushing, and, even when I didn't want to or didn't think I could do it, I did it anyway. From my effort, based on my writing skills, I was selected as a graduate assistant, and now I have gotten some real professional experience as a college instructor and am one creative writing workshop away from a master's degree, and I am at a crossroads.  

There are many different possible directions but only one direction to go, and I have to decide what is best for me--but not only me, but also my wife, and my future family. While, in many ways I am further ahead than I was five years ago, all my effort is moot unless I can transform those personal and professional developments into something concrete. I don't need to be rich, but I do need to meet my needs, and life isn't cheap.  I need to earn enough money to not only cover my basic living expenses, but also my student loans, and my debt--and not just mine, but also my wife's. I feel stuck, because I believe that I owe it to myself and to the work that I have accomplished so far to pursue a career in the area that I have chosen to study. I have been offered a part-time teaching position at my school, and I would happily accept it, but I realistically need a better paying job in order not to slide further into debt and poverty. I might be able to subsist with the part-time position if I can find a second part-time teaching position in the area, but I am still not that experienced as an instructor, and my main goal is to become a professional writer.

Even though I will shortly have a master's degree, and I have taught writing, and have written for a widely distributed publication (even though it is a student-run newspaper, it still has a wider circulation than many small town newspapers), I have no professional-level writing experience, and there doesn't seem to be any entry level writing positions available (anywhere). Every position I see needs at least 2-3 years of professional experience. Even though (I believe) I am fully capable of doing many of these jobs,  and, even of the ones that I seem to meet the criteria that are listed, the employers don't seem to want to give me a chance even if I might be more highly skilled than someone with more experience. 

If I can't convince an employer to hire me full time, I need to make the best of what I can get, and work to achieve my goal, somehow. I will take the part-time teaching position(s) and at the same time devote myself to freelance writing and getting published. I will work towards becoming a better, more experienced writer and instructor, and will continue working towards my goal, and hopefully earn enough money to subsist. 

It's either that, or just give up on trying to become a writer and/or an instructor, and just take whatever best-paying job I can get.

Somehow, I can't bring myself to do that. Not yet. Not until I know that the gates are closed, and that no amount of effort will help me get passed it. Of course, I will probably be dead before that happens.

Stories Added to FICTION page

These stories I have published versions of on here and on the FICTION page in the past. "Starving America" has been published on the FICTION page for a while. I have done a little rewriting to both "The Big City" and "The Unicorn", but both have been previous published here, and "Killing Boredom" is an alternative version of the story, "The Backwoods Incident", from my collection, Tales from the Fringes. The "Killing Boredom" version also appeared with a different ending in my undergraduate writing portfolio. Finally, a version of "Bed Head" was originally published by 50 to 1.

Not Looking Back In Anger, Mr. Gallagher

It's time.  To break out of this rut.  This book, which I have put more love and thought into than any other project I have ever done.  

It has been ten years, and I have thought about it, and reworked it, and thought about it, and reworked it...and finally released it, only to second guess it and go back and start reworking it again.  

I don't regret doing so, and I hope people really give it a chance and like it.  

I just want people to read it and like and get roughly what I was doing with it, and see that I have room to continue growing as a writer and that I can accomplish something that has been a long and challenging commitment.  

It might not be much, it might be nothing on the grand scope of life, but it is my little something, and I hope that people see that and appreciate it.  

It is more compact, and I have thought through every stylistic and creative decision and made sure that I have incorporated every good idea and taken each to its furthest extent.  

When I have the money, I am going to buy a bunch and give them away to family, friends, and whoever shows interest.  

I am going to make sure that anyone who just appreciates reading and storytelling and local artists who are working hard for no money trying to make something concrete and physical out of brainwaves and determination, I am going make sure those people get copies.

Whatever happens, will happen, and I am not any longer going to live in the past, and keep over-thinking it.  

It's time to be done with it and to move forward and to commit myself to a new job and a new career and a new project. 

It's time to move forward, into the unknown, out of my comfort zone, out of anxiety and second-guessing, and going back to the same old wreck.  

It's time to challenge myself in new ways, with new ideas, and new commitments.  

It's time to transform my goals from impulses into realizations.

The best way to get excited about the future, even the mundane, everyday, ordinary, reality that life becomes, is to close your eyes, dream of some possibility, and figure out how to make the abstract concrete.  

You never know what can happen.  

Sometimes dreams come true in unimaginable ways, and you just have to embrace however it happens, and enjoy it while it lasts, and have no regrets.

The difference between people who enjoy life and people who are miserable is that the people who enjoy life know that it is all a state of mind, and even in the worst circumstances, if you have survived with a pleasant state of mind, you have made it.

It's not easy.  It's really not.  I struggle with it every day.  But just because it is a struggle, it doesn't mean that it is not worth the effort.

You can't control every circumstance in life, in fact, you can control very little, but you can control you, and so that's what you have to do.

That's what I am trying to do, anyways.  That's all I have every been able to do, or really, anyone can do.  That's just life.

Revelations

In an effort to achieve a higher level of professionalism, for the second edition of Out in the Garage, my wife, the lovely and talented artist, Sarah, used her graphic design skills and helped me create a new cover:

As you can see, it looks amazing, and I couldn't have done it without her hard work and talent, and I feel truly lucky to be married to such a talented individual.  This is going to be the final, definitive version of this book, and I am pulling out all of the stops and making sure it is every bit as good, as high in quality, as is possible.  I will shortly be ordering a proof and going through the text to make sure there are no typos or other glaring errors.  

I have come a long way since I first began this venture, and I am excited and happy to be almost through with this first novel, so that I can really start focusing on the next one. Well, focusing on writing the next one as I am marketing this one.  In case you haven't noticed, I am already busy at work, establishing the Gabe Gott, indie fiction / underground fiction, brand, and soon I am hoping to reach out to different  underground fiction websites and forums and introduce them to me, and hope for the best.

Thank you all for your patience and your support.  I know this whole thing is crazy, and it has taken me forever to get to this point, and I keep retreading the same territory, again, and again, but I am determined to move forward, and to leave it how it turns out this last time, for better or worse.  There will be two versions out, two versions to choose from, and I will apply what I have learned, what I will continue to learn, to my next project, which, over the years since I came up with the idea, it has really taken shape--all I need to do really is to sit down and write it.  

I am hoping that I can do write and edit it in a relatively short period of time, so that I can release it next year, because I also have third, fourth, and fifth novels in mind to write.  Once I get past this "Out in the Garage hurdle", I will be productive and give shape to all of my ideas, and get them out to the world.  This is only the beginning.

The Revisionist

One thing that I have accepted about myself is that I am a revisionist of my own work.  Of course, I am also learning and experimenting, but I do think that it is necessary to reach a point where I am happy/content with a version of a work and then move on to the next project.  If every book that I write takes me ten years to finish, then I will only write like three or four more books, and I have more ideas than that now, and I can only imagine that I will only continue to come up with more ideas over the years, and that I will never have a shortage of new material.

I have comes to terms with the fact that the second edition of Out in the Garage is not necessarily any better than the first edition of Out in the Garage, just different.  With the second edition, I am conforming to the criticism I have received in order to reach a wider audience that has a narrower view of what is acceptable and what is not when it comes to plot and narrative in contemporary fiction.  It is more tightly focused and is tied together in a more obvious way, from beginning to end. The nonlinear plot actually helps to bring out themes that are less obvious in the first edition (however still present).

The first edition conforms less to contemporary standards than the second edition but has its basis rooted in the classic literature that I have been studying.  The linear plot throws people off because it takes place over a longer period of time than what is standard today, and it echoes the plot of a traditional romance rather than a work of realism, where the narrator is on quest, but not to find anything, to escape (that's why the original version is call Escapes).  It also shows the series of cause/effect relationships as they happen, rather than as flashbacks--it rolls along rather than unfolds.

It has taken me a while to come to terms with the fact that no matter what I write or how I write it, I probably won't ever be a mainstream success and that no matter how I change my work, somebody will have some sort of problem with it.  That means I can either continue to change it, and keep changing it again and again, or I can just focus on the fact that I am doing this for myself, first and foremost, and that as long as I am happy with my work, that's all that really matters.  If I am true to myself, then it will at least be genuine. It is possible to strike a balance between the art and the commercialism.

I am finding that the audience I am discovering is my own is the type of audience that is open minded and willing to give genuine works of art a chance--accepting them for what they are and not for what they are not, the latter of which seems to be more the philosophy of contemporary literature and the traditional publishing industry who are the gatekeepers of the status quo.  Maybe Out in the Garage could have made a good YA Lit novel if I had changed it more and made it fit more into what is contemporary, but it is not that and doesn't have to be.  For that reason, I do somewhat regret making a second edition--even though I do like the way it is turning out and I do think it will be easier for contemporary audiences to digest.

Now there will be two versions.  After I am finished with this second edition, I am determined to move on and continue honing my style and writing the types of novels and stories that I like to write.  I will focus on getting them to work for what they are and not for what they are not or what they could be.  It's a hard lesson to learn, but, ultimately, I am glad that I am learning it--even if it could have come sooner, it's better to have learned it late than to not have learned it at all.

Instead of  continuing to work on the same novel, again and again, I will work on one, get it to the point where I am happy with it, publish it, take the criticism into consideration, and take what I learn and maybe, if it makes to do so, apply it to the next one.

Out in the Garage First & Second Editions...And More!

At some point over the last few days it occurred to me that I might as well keep the first edition of Out in the Garage for sale.  While I could easily just keep it to myself and make sure that it never sees the light of day again, I am opting to keep it on sale along side the second edition.  The first edition is $5.99 in print at Create Space and 99 cents at Smashwords.  The second edition will be available July 4, 2014 and will be $6.99 for the print version and $1.99 for the eBook version, which, all around, I think are decent prices.

I have all these different versions of the same damn book anyways, so I might as well try to make it an asset rather than a fault (If you want to change other peoples perspectives, you first need to change your own perspective).  I don't plan on doing it with every book that I write, just this one, since I have already essentially done it, anyways.

I believe the cult fiction/underground fiction/fringe fiction audience that I am marketing towards will be fine with me having more than one edition of the same book--as the editions are quite different from one another.  Since I don't write genre fiction and I need to market to a specific audience, in order to build an audience, I feel that this is the best route for me to go.  People who tend to like fiction, music, movies, etc. that are not mainstream tend to be more open-minded and open to experimentation, and also tend to want to engage in media that makes them think in a deeper way.  I believe my works meet these criteria (especially since I tend to like things that aren't popular anyways--I know, I am a dirty hipster,whatever).

My main focus, of course, will be the second edition, but if someone would be so inclined as to read both versions for comparison sake, it will be possible.  In fact, in keeping with the spirit of having more than one version of the same novel, there is a third version with the title Escapes that is actually based more closely on the original version of the novel (the version that I wrote and gave to friends to read before I went back to school and went crazy with the changes-making), so I might eventually put that out as well, as I don't really have to do anything to it but proofread it.

When it comes down to it, it is all the same story, it is just three different ways of reading it.

It might be interesting to see how they each compare with one another.  It might make a good essay, anyways, to sit down and analyze what I have done.  In fact, an essay might be an appropriate way to cap off this whole project.  That way it can be more appropriately labeled "experiment" and the literati won't make me disappear--I mean, it hasn't happened yet, so it's *probably* not going to happen.  I guess they are a pretty passive bunch, anyways.

This is a hobby for me--albeit one that I enjoy, am really passion about, and would love to do for a living--but I am realistic enough to know that I am probably not going to do it for a living.  That is no reason to give up, to not keep trying new things, or to not keep trying to improve, that just means I have to find another career, which is fine with me, to be honest (I am doing that right now anyways).  The best material comes from going out into the world and interacting with people, and I always find the time to work on this stuff, no matter how busy I am with something else.

In the next few weeks I am going to finish proofreading the manuscript of the second edition, upload it to Create Space, get a proof made and proofread it again, and then release it for sale.  Then I will start promoting it, order a bunch of copies to give away, and hopefully, get some good reviews, which should help me begin to build an audience.

Anyways, I have a lot to think about and a lot to do, so I should probably get started.  It's time to get organized!

Reformatted, Navigable, Tales from the Fringes

I am uploading to Smashwords (and soon Amazon and Barnes and Noble, too), a reformatted version of Tales from the Fringes.  I have made the Table of Contents functional and the file navigable, and standardized the formatting of the punctuation, which was inconsistent.  I have also fixed some nagging grammatical errors.  Other than that, it is the same collection--no major changes have been made.  This makes a higher quality, more professional version of the product.  I have done the same thing to the print version, but I don't have time to finish the process now (with this whole paper thing I've got going).  Also, I have lowered to price to 99 cents to attempt to reach a wider audience.  As I understand it, 99 cents is the ideal price for an independently published eBooks--even though I will be making less in royalties, I will theoretically, be selling more (hopefully).

Well, that is all for now.  See you cats tomorrow after I finish and turn in this paper.  I hope to be able to sit down and actually write out a full-length post.  I know I am due for one, but this... paper...  It will be over soon enough.  I am progressing well now, so I should probably get back to it.  Peace!

Master's Degrees, The Redheaded Stepchild of Degrees

Increasingly, as I search for a job, trying to find one that remotely has to do with my chosen field of study, I am either over or under-qualified, or I don't have the right kind of experience.  

Of course, I can (and will, if it comes down to it) teach, but assistant lecturers at universities aren't intended to be full-time positions.  They are intended as part-time supplements to a full-time income: they pay between $700-900/credit hour, and at most places you can't teach more than eight credit hours, because nine or more is considered full time  (because of the Affordable Care Act), and the universities don't want to pay you benefits.

Also, there are no two credit hour classes (at least on the English side of things), so the most you can teach is six credit hours, and, if you are lucky enough to get one of the few positions at the Writing Lab, you might be able to tutor for the equivalent to those last two credit hours.  

If you want to attempt to make it work, you can try to find another part time position at another university, but it still isn't a lot of income, and, again, there are NO BENEFITS.  So, if you want to stay in academia, because you enjoy teaching and having a flexible schedule, you have to find ways to supplement your income, or just be poor.  Either that, or go to school for another four to five years on top of the six to seven years you have already gone to school, and maybe, maybe, get a tenure-track position, if you are lucky (since there are many people with PhD.s that can only find part-time work, as well).

But if I like teaching so much, you ask, why don't I just go to school for another year and take the tests and become licensed to teach high school?  Two words: standardized testing.  My style of teaching doesn't work well within the current system, since I don't look at everyone has having the same skill or ability levels, and I don't believe that it's fair to expect everyone to think the same way.  You can teach people and hold them to certain standards without putting them through an arbitrary, stressful series of tests.  With the amount of stress that testing puts on students, and that the testing is administered by for profit corporations, the tests are not accomplishing the goals they are setting out to accomplish.  Education needs to be put in the hands of educators and taken out the hands of bureaucrats, and based on studies on what works best for students, rather than being controlled by politicians who have a financial stake in making sure the testing is continued.

My only other option, if I want to teach, and make a living doing it, is to get an MFA--and I admit, this option is tempting.  I am just burned out with school right now, and need to let my brain heal before I commit to another year or two.  Not to mention, there is no guarantee that I will be able to find a full-time position with a MA and an MFA, either.  In fact, with the popularity of MFA programs, there are probably even fewer of these positions.

So, what is the material value of getting a master's degree in English?  I am not sure yet.  I would like to think, if I do my research, if I apply to every open position across the country that I am remotely qualified for, that has anything to do with writing/editing/research, I will eventually find something that is the right fit for me.  It's too bad though, because I do genuinely like teaching, and it would be great to teach when I don't have the stress of my own classes weighing down on me--but I am tired of being poor. 

I have never had much money, and it really has nothing to do with having stuff, as much as it has to do with feeling some level of security.  But maybe that is a pipe dream.  It seems like no matter how hard I work, what length I go to improve my quality of life, I am met with more barriers.  The closer I think I am to accomplishing my goals, the further away I get.

Growing up, my generation was taught that what we had to do was go to college, and if we did, we would be able to get a job and find happiness.  But that was all rhetoric, a sales pitch, a clever ruse designed by people with business degrees to take advantage of poor people and the federal student loan system so they can sit pretty in administrative positions and earn six-figure salaries.

Clearly, without a doubt, the system is broken, since, if I didn't go to school, I would still be out of luck.  I could have studied something else, perhaps, but just because the humanities have been devalued, doesn't mean that they don't have value, since studying the humanities helps make people better people.  Empathy isn't inherent, necessarily, or, if it is, it at least needs refined.

That's what the humanities do.  If you don't think people, in general, could use more empathy, just read the comments section of any article on any website, or watch the news.  If people considered other peoples' perspectives more often, the world would be a better place.  But greed and self-interest rule the day, benefiting some and destroying many others.

Who is going to fix the broken system?  Not the people who benefit from the way that it is now.  Why are we so complacent?  Why do we let people who clearly only have their own interests at heart make decisions that affect others?

Maybe my degrees/skill sets don't have material value, but I am going to put them to good use.  While I certainly won't be able to do anything on my own, without any help, I am certainly not alone in being marginalized.  We, who have sought education, who have worked within the system to get ahead, but have met with increasing resistance as we attempt to move forward, need to work together and make the system work for us, or break it once and for all, and start over.