A Dreamy, Breezy Post about Sunshine & Rainbows & Shit

Or, What I Do in My Basement is Wholesome so Fuck You

[Sorry, I don't Mean to Sound So Defensive, I Just have to Keep My Online Persona Consistent As to Not Draw Any Attention to the Fact that I Might be a Dynamic Human Being Capable of More than One Trance-like Emotional State]

There's not many better feelings than driving through the countryside on a sunny day, the brightness carefully suppressed from damaging my eyeballs by my Bob Dylan shades, stretches of trees and farmland flashing past on either side, the windows down, a cool almost moist breeze wrapping it's invisible scarves around me and through the cabin of my car, the sun-bleached asphalt unwinding ahead, with music blasting, me singing out at the top of my lungs--

That's one thing I need to do more, but I have nowhere really to go right now. Of course, I would also have to wait for a nice day. That might be a while, at the rate things are going. I mean, I could drive somewhere just to drive--just to leave the house. Get some fresh air.

There is something to be said about driving around on a gloomy day, too: the window cracked, the fresh drops filling my nostrils with their perfume, listening to the Allman Brothers Idlewild South, the slow slosh of the windshield wipers--back in my twenties I would have had a cigarette, the menthol and tobacco wafting with the rain scent creating a sort of intoxicating potpourri.

This weekend has been more like winter than early May, though, and the only thing fun about driving around in winter is driving at night when the snow is blowing, an X-Wing Pilot flying through hyperspace. "This is Red Leader..." As fun as that is, I am not in the mood.

That's Ohio for you, I suppose. Instead of going on a drive, I have barely left the basement. I have spent a long, seemingly endless amount of time down here, re-arranging my shit--getting my organ bench from the garage, sitting my trunk on it and using the combined structure as a table for my synth and my drum machine, and moving my guitars and drum set around to make it all work. This might actually be my favorite basement setup yet.

This space really works really well as a one-man recording operation (and maybe eventually for live-streaming) but it would only be conducive for a full band if it was like a three piece or four piece, max. Four piece might be stretching it, actually. It would definitely be loud and sweaty... Gross. No, I like the idea of doing a one-man band thing, and I like the idea of being a member of a band, but I wouldn't want that band to actually practice here after we gain more members than my brother and me.

We'll see. We really just even need to actually practice more than once or twice to really be considered a thing. I mean, what else have we got going on?

One thing as a musician that I strive to do, really as an artist, in general--because actually this is also kind of the essence of writing fiction--is take my audience to a specific time and place, and fusing these two disparate media together can help make it even more real, more present... And it has been a dream of mine to do for a long time.

I did kind of a proto-version of it with my novel, Escapes, creating a playlist on Spotify that covers music mentioned in or relating to the story. I am listening to that now, actually. It has a weird mixture of jazz, rock, punk, alternative, metal, and pop, as the story covers a lot of territory musically.

With my upcoming short story collection, Asshole Years, I would like to take that idea of combining music and reading to the next level. After I finish editing and proofreading it, the collection will go into production and I can set a firm release date. While that's taking place, I will start working on an accompanying soundtrack--think Pink Floyd but with a noise punk-alternative-new wave edge.

That's really why I got an analog synth. To add to the space rock-psychedelic ambient flavor of my sound. When I used to perform regularly, I would often get compared to Syd Barrett or Pink Floyd. I don't know if that's actually true, but that's what audience members (and totally different people) have told me after performances, on more than one occasion. Anyways, I plan to start composing the new, mostly instrumental songs for the collection soon, and I will include a download code or something with the book, and really lean into that.

And actually, to tie it all together with a neat little bow, driving around seemingly aimlessly is one theme that does carry through the collection, somewhat. I guess it's good that I'm in that frame of mind. Maybe I need to go on a road trip for the inspiration.

If the goddamn weather ever cooperates long enough.

Wine+Thinking About My First Novel=Existential Ramblings

It's been a while since I have thought about it. Just the space of time that I needed, maybe? I stare down at my copy of it, and think, the first version is better.  I should never have second-guessed myself. Maybe other people would have written it in a different way, perhaps it would have been more salable if I had written it according to what gets published nowadays--but I don' t give a shit. I used to give a shit, but now I don't. I shouldn't have given a shit, I shouldn't have cared about what random other people thought, but I did. I shouldn't have done the second edition, but I did.

What is done is done. I can't take it back. People will have to decide for themselves. They had to, anyways. It has always been that way, even if those other people didn't realize it, because they were too affected by what other people thought, just like I was. Maybe people truly can't think for themselves. At least most people can't. We are a social species. At least most of us are. Some of us aren't. I am not. I don't give a shit. Okay, maybe that is a lie. Maybe I do give a shit, but I am trying not to. I am in recovery.

The first edition is better, because it is more true to what I wanted to do in the first place. Maybe it is not realistic, but people who assume that is a bad thing assume that it was meant to be realistic. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe I don't believe in realism as much as I want to believe in it, and definitely not as much as others believe in it. Maybe there is no realism, only subjectivism. We can only interpret the real world, not define it. We are limited to our own subjectivity, no matter how hard we try to prove otherwise. Maybe I subscribe to a different point of view, a point of view contingent on the subjectivity of the writer and the reader, where the two can't meet, since two people cannot ever fully connect mentally in the same way as we can physically, because our minds are isolated from the physical reality of our being. 

They aren't really isolated, but it seems that way. We can only see things through our own eyes. We can try to see things through other people's eyes, but we can't truly. We should try, but it is an effort in futility. That's why we should always treat each other as we would want to be treated. That's why we should think really hard before we try to tell people that they are wrong in the way they are thinking, because, they might be wrong according to our point of view, but that doesn't meant that they are wrong, and that we are right. That doesn't mean that we are wrong and they are right. It is all relative.

But what about taking life, you say? That, I say, I don't know. I would like to say that we both can agree that it is wrong, but is it always wrong? Can we know? Just because I think it should be wrong, that I believe that it is wrong, does it make it wrong?

I take a moment to sit back and read what I have just written and realize that I have gotten way off track--or have I? I didn't really have a plan when I set out to write this, so I reasonable can't really say that. It is what it is. I can change it, but should I? Is it better or worse, or just different?

I can answer those questions, but then, I would only be answering them for me and not necessarily for everyone else. That is just the nature of language.

Penguin Rangers Unite!

Watching http://youtu.be/uQWxtLUsRYM as I pour myself into something I have not really done in a long time: writing.  I have forgotten what this feels like, but the sensory memory is still there. Anyways, this is why I love my profession, I may never make a lot of money, but I would rather be able to do this as often as possible.

Looking forward to school starting: this is my last week at my summer job! *does back flip*

Right now I am just working on some ideas and feelings I have been having, in story form, scene by scene.  My goal is to be able to leave the final product as much as it is originally written as possible, and to just work on it when I have opportunities to do so.  As a writer, I have been stuck in a rut, working and working and working on the same thing over and over again, and only getting marginally further than where I have been for six years.

Sometimes I will almost ruin a project before I finally get exasperated and want to give up, which is what is happening to my first novel, and I don't want that to keep happening, I just want to continue moving forward and working on my craft and applying what I learn as I am writing, and just try to get better with each project.

I am forcing myself to stick to one version of Out in the Garage, make minimal changes to it, and put it out, because, quite frankly, I have enough other things to worry about, I want to move on and begin writing a new rough draft, more or less in a stream of consciousness style, which I think will be very therapeutic when I am deep in the trenches of school and teaching and writing my thesis. Still, I do want to feel like Out in the Garage is actually finished when I publish it, so I am holding myself to reasonably high standards.

And, actually, what I said earlier isn't entire true, either, the changes I am making -- adding better descriptions and changing the text to the present tense (for the most part) -- aren't exactly minimal, they just aren't very complicated changes, they are building on what is already there and making it better.  I am trying to just keep in mind all of the advice that I have gotten, but follow my gut instinct, which is usually how I am most successful as a writer.

That's how I feel justified in it, that, and I am going to do another proof no matter how many changes I make -- and I am going to still publish it on October 18, 2013, no matter what.  My   schedule is as such: finish the last rewrite by September 11, finish proofreading by October 11, and have a smooth release on the 18th.

I really, really hope the next book doesn't take six years.  I am shooting for one year, but it will probably, realistically, be more like two, with the whole school and getting a job or going to get my PhD. thing, not to mention my marriage and family and friends and what not.  Still, writing fiction and recording music / playing guitar are good releases when I am stressed out and  have the time, and everybody needs that.  I am assuming the thesis is going to be stressful, especially as it approaches April-May.

Anyways, enjoy some RHCP!  Josh Klinghoffer impresses me -- it makes me want to see them in concert again, eventually.

200 Posts/Get Your Green on and Whiskey Down Your Throat!

   222222222                  0000            0000
22              22            00       00     00      00
                  22           00        00     00      00
                 22            00        00     00      00
                22             00        00     00      00
                2               00        00     00      00
              22               00        00     00      00
             2                  00        00     00      00
           2                    00        00     00      00
         2                      00        00     00      00
       2                        00        00     00      00
     2                          00        00     00      00
   2                            00        00     00      00
 2222222222222            0000            0000





pppp                                                                  !!!!!
  pppppp                                                             !!!!
  PP        pp                                   t                    !!!
  pp         pp                                   t                    !!!
  pp         pp                                 tttttt                 !!!
  pppppp       ooooo          ssss        t       ssss      !!!
  pp             o         o       s              t      s            !!!
  pp             o         o        sss         t        sss
  pp             o         o              s       t            s      !!!
pppp             ooooo         sssss      ttt     ssss       !!!



Thank you to everyone who has been reading the past two+ years.  It really means a lot to me.  I wish I had more time to work on this, but I am proud that I have been able to be fairly consistent with it, even being a full-time grad student.

This has been an especially busy week, and, although I do have enough reading to keep me well occupied this weekend, I am also going to try to relax and have a little fun (and probably get a little, okay, so very, drunk at least one or two nights this weekend).

Maybe I will also get some guitar playing accomplished, maybe, start laying down a guitar track over a click-track and get the whole recording thing going that I plan on focusing on over Spring Break.  My goal is to write and record a song from scratch, everything, including the lyrics.  I am going to build it up from a guitar part, then I will probably tackle the drums, and so on...  Anyways, for now I am going to focus on the guitar parts.  I will probably do some double tracking and bounce it all on one track (since I only have a four-track and I have to be a little more creative about how I go about it.

I don't really feel like I need more technology at this point.  I am satisfied with what I have.  Maybe a few more effects, but even that is not necessary.  I do need to get my my keyboard back, or take a weekend and my recording equipment and go to one of my relatives who have an organ...  Actually, I might do that instead since it is a better fit for the music I am likely going to record.

I still have those three stories I am working on editing, although I am almost done with one of them.  The other two are longer and will take a little longer, but I am not going to rush it.  I do want to get them wrapped up and sent out to different markets.  With those and the other stories I have sent out, hopefully I will be able to build more of a readership of this blog, which will hopefully lead to future book sales (whether I self publish or go through a publisher).

 I have compiled twelve short stories (versions of which have previously been published on this blog, except for one, actually), with which I am looking to test the self-publishing market.  The collection, titled Tales from the Fringes, I am looking at publishing through Create Space so I can publish both in print and in e-book format, and I don't have to put a lot of money into it (since, as I understand it, they keep the template for my book and print it per order.  I don't technically have to put any money into it...as far as I can see.  However, I will  what I can within reason).

Now it is a matter of researching self-publishing and book design.  I want it to look professional.  If it doesn't look like it could have been published by a legitimate publisher, then it defeats the point.  It seems like that is the problem with a lot of self-published books: they are an inferior product.  I am not looking to self-publish as a last resort as much as an alternative option to traditional publishing.  This is why I am putting together something with which I can use to test the market.

This means I will like take down the fiction page -- at least until I have some different stories to post on it.  The stories in the compilation will be edited for writing quality and proofread for typos and grammatical errors.  They will hopefully be improved versions of the stories.

This is all in anticipation of my novel, which I am still waiting to hear back about and will likely focus on over the summer as I write my second (and possibly third -- since it has already been brainstormed and actually already exists in the form of a screen play.  The screenplay itself is only like 30 pages, but, with the amount of detail I am adding, it will be over 50,000 words, or so I have calculated).  I have a fourth book idea too, but I am not that crazy.  That I will save for the following year.  Actually I have a great back file of ideas and possibilities.

Anyways, it's that time of year, whether you're Irish (or, as in my case, only part Irish), or even not Irish at all, to get out the Jameson, Bailey's, Guiness, etc. and get fucked up while listening to The Pogues (Yeah, that's right, Flogging Molly and the Dropkick Murphys ain't got shit on the Pogues)!







Happy St. Patty's weekend!