Vacationing in the Snowpacalpse

Or, Midnight Confessions: Where did our life go... Right?

By Source, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=6940995

Vacation by the Go-Go's has become the unofficial anthem this weekend around casa de Gott.

We have at least a foot of snow and more is starting to come down, but the cold didn't seem too bad to me when I went outside to shovel. Then again, there is a difference between a city cold and a country cold, and Akron is definitely somewhere in between.

Sarah and I originally took Monday and Tuesday off to go on a long weekend trip, but because of the weather, of course, that didn't pan out. To be honest, we're making the best of it, and I am kinda glad it turned out this way. It has given me time to reflect, a little. Here we are, in our little bubble, living life, struggling at times, feeling successful at times, but getting through it and feeling stronger together. It is much nicer to have someone to hold hands with through the roller-coaster.

After the Go-Go's, The Grass Roots seems the next place to go as I choose the soundtrack to our hibernation. It popped up the other night when we had friends over and I was picking out just random records that I hadn't listened to in a while, and everyone seemed to enjoy it a lot, and I am especially super-jazzed about rediscovering it because it has on it one of my hands down all-time favorite songs, "Midnight Confessions."

Speaking of The Grass Roots, this seems like an excellent opportunity to sneak in a Creed Bratton meme:

via GIPHY

Other than this blog post, I have also committed time this weekend towards working on my short story collection(s) and what might be the beginning of a new music project.

The short story collection(s) I'm referring to is(are) what used to be called Xennial. I've got this crazy idea to split them because it wasn't really working for me to have the stories I'm writing now paired with stories I wrote ten years ago. Or even 8 years ago. The stories I'm writing now are different. I've grown, I think, as a writer, or at least developed my style, or, rather, a style that works for me. So those new 18 stories are what is currently titled Xennial. Most of these need a lot of work to finish so I realistically think it will be 2020 before it comes out, but that's okay, it will be a good book to publish on a major election year.

Don't worry though, I haven't given up hope about publishing something in 2019. The other 15 stories that were originally going to be included in Xennial with those 18 will be paired down to the best nine, and will be published, probably next, under the new title Asshole Years. These are all of my realistic fiction stories, most of which I wrote for different fiction classes at Kent State University. Here's what it will contain:

1. Eargasm (based on a blog post)
2. Dropout (new story based off of my old story, "The Other Side of Cool," originally published in Tales from the Fringes)
3. Truck Shop (published in Literally, Literary on Medium)
4. The Day the Music Died (published on Smashwords as a single)
5. Greasy (updated, originally published in Tales from the Fringes)
6. The Opossums (updated, originally published in Tales from the Fringes)
7. Highly Evolved (new)
8. A Hipster Confession (updated, originally published in Tales from the Fringes)
9. The Joint (new)

I don't have any cover art but that will be forthcoming, probably after I finish this blog post. The three new stories need finished but they are all pretty far along so this one I feel confident that I will be able to publish this year. It will probably be around 200 pages.

The music project will be under my Survival Pilot moniker, and will be at least one song, but I have at least two drum parts so there might be more. I don't know if I will finish it over this long weekend, but that is my goal. I am thinking about doing a free Soundcloud EP for record store day, or something, just for shits and giggles.

As you can see, I am never bored. Hopefully, you all are staying safe, warm, and entertained like we are here in Highland Square. And if you haven't heard "Midnight Confessions" in a while. Maybe you should give it a listen. You won't regret it.

Creating Meaning

"Every person would be exactly as important as any other.  All facts would also be given equal weightiness.  Nothing would be left out.  Let others bring order to chaos.  I would bring chaos to order, instead, which I think I have done.

"If all writers would do that, then perhaps citizens not in the literary trades will understand that there is no order in the world around us, that we must adapt ourselves to the requirements of chaos instead."--Kurt Vonnegut, Breakfast of Champions

Criticism be damned, I am going to keep on going.  Sometimes people too quickly let others get them distracted from what is truly important, which is relative.  I am guilty of this, and surely it has to do with the insecurity of the fact that I am venturing into new territory for myself as a writer, and if I wasn't insecure, then I probably would just be a blockhead.  Maybe I am a blockhead anyway, and we all are blockheads, and everything we do is meaningless.  

That doesn't have to be a bad thing.  Maybe my way of giving meaning to my life is  to others meaningless or trash or poorly written or whatever, but if it gives me some sort of happiness, then it isn't wholly meaningless, since all meaning is artificial, anyways, and thus, as long as it means something to me, that's all that matters.

Sometimes people play against your insecurities, and, even if you disagree with the criticism, the critic, even though he may not intend it because he is not attempting to be helpful as much as he is just being pompous, might be doing you a service.  When you put yourself out there you need to grow thick skin but also let legitimate criticisms inside.  They might hurt the skin, but, if there is anything I have learned through what I have read, a lot of times, more often than not, true growth only comes as the result of pain.  The wounds might be fresh, but in my mind I can heal them, if I allow myself to be able to do so.

Perhaps, the critic, while he might have been  inconsiderate, being removed from the project, unaware of the creator, or his intentions, or at least only vaguely aware of my intentions through intuition, is demonstrating the basic subjective nature of writing and reading what has been written. While certainly it is not fun to get a negative criticism, just because one person believes it to be legitimate, doesn't mean it is so, but it doesn't mean it is not either.  People decide for themselves what is legitimate and what is not, and some might agree, some might disagree, others might have other points of view.  It is hard to say, and it is out of my control, but I think what I have learned is to not respond to it or let it bother me too much--only enough for what I need to learn from it.  I can only be one voice among many, to try to affect change in others, and to allow others to affect change in me, when it makes sense to do so.

I fully acknowledge that I am not a perfect writer, and that I have room to grow and change.  it would be arrogant of me if I didn't feel that way.  Everyone always has room to grow and to change, even if he can't think of a way to make it happen, it is possible.  Sometimes it takes another person and an open mind to see it.  I am learning all the time, and I feel good about the future of my writing and what I am capable of doing--if I can work on my self control and truly articulate my ideas in the way that best suits each of them, individually.

Maybe I will only start off with one or two fans, but as I grow and adapt and become a better writer through experience: continuing writing, reading, and studying--reaching for what is possible, or slightly beyond, to keep myself wanting--I will ultimately break through and really reach people in a constructive and meaningful way.  And as for what is better and what is worse, I hold myself to the standards I have developed through my experience.  I will continue gaining experience and will adapt my standards as I learn.

If writing is an act intended to communicate ideas, and if social discourse also happens, at least in part, through writers sharing ideas with one another through time, then that is what I will continue attempting to do.  It is worth it to continue trying, even if I fall short.  Even if no one else, or only few other people understand, then at least I gain some sort of better understanding.  And you never know or rarely ever truly know who else might be affected--but even if you are never aware of it personally, it is worth it to try and affect others, positively.  

Maybe I will just continue to entertain myself, and maybe, if I am lucky, a small group of others, for a little while, and bring some sort of artificial meaning to life, even if the meaning is merely in the act of actually working towards something like reading or writing a novel from beginning to the end, and thinking about it a little while, before moving on to the next shiny object.  If that is the most one could ever hope for in life, then that is enough for me.  It is better than nothing.

The Long and Winding Ramble

One idea that keeps floating across my nerve center and making it's way to the conscious part of my mind has to do with experimenting as much as possible until I figure out what works for me as a writer and a publisher.  

The common sense of the status quo suggests that I should only publish one version of my book, because if I were to publish more than one version it would come across as indecisive and insecure. However, the mere fact that I consider these things out loud to the world makes it sort of impossible for me to go with what is the right-now accepted correct way: I am already working against doing things "properly."

Then again, I am really just doing it as a hobby and not for a living and that should allow me more leeway since I am not financially dependent on it.  When it comes down to it, really, I can fucking do what I want, how I want.  

I just have to get creative, and, I do believe I can venture to say that I have a large capacity for creativity and the experience of working with no budget.  That's just how I have had to live my life out of necessity.  I do believe this blog should be my primary thing, as it is something people can read regularly, for free.  

The books will be there, and if I can sufficiently impress people with my writing on this blog, people might be more inclined to purchase my books.  Therefore, I have write on this as regularly as possible.

When it comes to my next novel, I need to brainstorm it thoroughly from beginning to end and then limit myself to like two or three drafts, copyediting, and proofreading.  Any more than that and I will  start to over-think it and bastardize the original idea.  It too easily becomes something else. The best thing to do is to finish it, polish it, and then move on to the next one.  I spent far too much time on my first novel.

Although, I realize, spending too much time can also have it's benefits, especially if you are willing to break free of any artificial restraints and go against the current.  Since I have already done it with this one, why not experiment?

Once you are free, you are more willing to try things out and see what happens.  This is why I am going to also publish two other versions of my first novel.  Each version is distinct and I am not sure which is truly better.  

Maybe that does make me indecisive, but isn't that just a part of who I am?  Isn't it better to admit that and try to turn it into a good thing?  At least try and use it to my advantage and see what happens?

Do I have any reason to assume that any other way that I could do things is the way that I should do things and ultimately get more people interested in my writing?  Why not try out a variety of ideas and see what works?  

In my case, I believe the positives of publishing all three outweigh the negatives.  Hopefully, it will help me see what direction to take with the next project.

For now, I will watch The Twilight Zone, grade papers, finish Breakfast of Champions and watch SNL when it comes on.  There will likely be some music squeezed in there at some point, too.  As it is Saturday, it will likely be something along the lines of the J. Geils Band or Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels.  Then again, maybe it's more of a Beatles kind of night.

Tales from the Fringes New Cover

I also wanted to share with you the new cover to Tales from the Fringes, which I redesigned a while ago, but I wanted to wait until closer to the release to share it with you all.  I think it looks pretty sexy myself.

Flexibility is also a Virtue

Hello all.  I know it's been a while, but I have very  busy with school and life and what not.  No complaints, it's just that in prioritizing my life, unfortunately it's things like this blog or working on finishing proofreading my short story collection that I have to forgo into order to give myself the time that I need to find a new place to live, buy a car, plan for my family's future, do my school work, plan for my class I'm teaching, grade papers, and work on my thesis --- which unfortunately has been a bit neglected lately too, a problem which, I am addressing this weekend.

Anyways, the point of this is, since I am literally "self" publishing, I am delaying the re-release of Tales from the Fringes for two weeks, to November 1st.  I have been proofreading it, and there is not a lot that I have to change, but I don't want to not finish proofreading and risk leaving any "stone unturned" --- to use a cliche.  I don't see it as a setback, but as a necessity.  Unfortunately, for the time being, until I actually have more time (i.e. I am out of school and I have a regular sort of job), my publishing schedule will have to be flexible.

That being said, since I am paid over winter break, I am not planning on working so that I can do some significant work to my thesis and also finish up Out in the Garage so it is ready on January 14th --- since that date has significance to me, personally.  Anyways, I know it might be disappointing to some of you, but my goal is to put out a professional quality book, and not one with a significant number of typos.  That just takes time and planning, and flexibility when my schedule doesn't work out how I want it.

I have been thinking a lot about my future, lately, and what direction I want to go after August 16th, and I am really have major doubts about going on and pursuing a PhD. --- at least not right away, and, maybe, never. I am also considering going for another year to either pursue another MA in education so I can teach high school English, or another year and getting my MFA as well, so that I can still potentially get a tenured teaching position, and I can more actively pursue what I truly love doing, writing fiction and poetry.  It would also broaden my qualifications and open me up to more jobs --- since there are plenty of businesses, such as greeting card companies or advertising firms, that need creative writers.  I just can't see being in school for another four years, making next to nothing, trying to scrape by, when I can an extra year in school and pursue the same type of career.  I don't know.

I haven't made my decision yet.  I am honestly leaning towards entering the workforce --- since one of my strengths as a writer is my adaptability --- and pursuing a career in something like technical writing (which I would need to research and grow comfortable with in the next 10 months).  I have already started perusing the job listings for the Akron/Cleveland area and doing some preliminary research (for like the median salary for technical writers, etc.) and I am not intimidating by what I am finding.  I am basically looking for the type of job that I can make a decent wage doing something in the writing field.  The type of job that allows have a life outside of work so that I can have a family and can afford to pay off my debt and save money and can read and write like I enjoy doing.

I am glad that I am attaining the level of education that I am currently pursuing, and I feel more confident in my abilities than I ever have before.  The question that I have to ask myself is, what is the dream?  When I am truly honest with myself the dream isn't getting a PhD. in English, it's in getting a job that I enjoy that allows me time to be with my family and friends and to indulge in my creative pursuits.  When I think of it in that way, it allows for more flexibility.

It's not like I will never read another book or challenge myself to understand a complex idea.  Education is something we must all strive for, no matter where we go or what do we in life.  School is a place that focuses on the pursuit of it, but --- at least in my experience --- there are a lot of people who take that for granted.  There are also a lot of people who take for granted that we don't need an institution to gain knowledge, that true knowledge is something we all strive for all our lives, no matter what our situation.  If more people continued to strive for knowledge instead of whatever else their priority might be, the world would be a better place.  Ignorance is not bliss.

New Poems

New Poems, "Stereophonic Slamdance" and "Press Release Style", posted on the Poetry page.  (Keep scrolling down, they are the last two on the page.  When I get time, I might reverse it, but, I kind of put them in a specific order).

A sane, well-thought-out, post about sane, well-thought-out things, climbing my way out of the downward spiral, away from oblivion, while I can...

Organization is key.  Over the last month, month and a half -- since school ended for the summer -- my mental stability, decision-making skills, and desire to accomplish things of actual value have all disappeared...  I don't know, maybe I just needed to let loose for a while.

But there comes a time when it is necessary to reign it all back, sort it out, put all those aspects in the proper places, and get things going.  I've got a thesis to write, a class to prepare a syllabus for, three classes to get in the mental discipline to be a be to do well in, the literature subject test of the GRE to study for, papers to polish and get published or give presentations about at conferences, PhD. programs to apply to...

It's all happening so fast and it's a lot to do and I really just need to buckle down, hold on, and get it all done to the best of my ability and hopefully by this time next year I won't be institutionalized.  We'll see.  At least I'll get more writing accomplished that way, I suppose.

I also really need to make my final stand with this manuscript (I am not going to say which version I have chosen; however, if you've been keeping track, it's not the one I hinted at choosing in my last post), and get it all ready to publish.  I feel pretty confident for choosing the one I have chosen, and for the reasons for which I have done so.  In addition to the editing and proofreading, I also have to design the jacket and finalize the description, research the e-book formatting and get it right this time, and all that...

With work and all the other stuff going on in my life, I have to get organized and get to work.  It's the beginning of July and I am already very stressed.  I guess at this level the stress really never goes away.  I wish I was able to be less ambitious and settle for less, but I just am not capable of giving up. Maybe it's pride, maybe is irrational, maybe I'm crazy, maybe it's unnecessary and life is a cruel joke, but I don't care.  I am who I am, I study what I study, I write what I write, I play and like the music that I like, and that is that.

Hopefully after all the dust clears and in a year from now I am preparing for the PhD. program where I have been accepted, my novel is finally published and selling, I am working on my second novel, and I am continuing to progress towards my goal of getting a tenure-track position somewhere and continuing to write novels and short stories...  If not I still have my wife, our future family, our families, and lots of friends.

While certainly it's not all up to me, I can't control everything, there is a lot on my shoulders -- and much of it is what I put there -- and by making it as far as I have in my career I am already beating the odds.

Zippity Dippity Doo on a Tuesday morning before work

I am hoping to order the proof of Out in the Garage by this weekend, along with some copies of my short story collection, Tales From the Fringes (which is only $6.86 at Amazon right now, by the way).    While these are copies to give away to family and close friends, I am going to start keeping some on-hand to sell and use for promotional purposes.  You never know who you are going to meet, or what opportunities will come your way.

And yes, I am starting on research.  Right now it is mainly an online thing until I find all the relevant articles and books.  I will probably start out by doing a lot of reading about American Exceptionalism before I start my historical research.  The former will help to shape the latter as I make a more complete connection between the Melville the and the thing he was criticizing (which is as relevant as ever in today's 24-hour propaganda cluster-fuck).

My goal is to go through AT LEAST two chapters of Out in the Garage a day until I have gone through all 17 chapters.  For the most part I am happy with everything, and I have no desire or see no need to change the story, the plot, the characters, etc. but there are some places where the language is still a little funky or inadequate and the descriptions are flat, boring, or too melodramatic.  

The melodrama worked more in previous versions where everything was over-the-top.  However, in the current version, it just comes across as cheesy, so I am going to tone it down a bit.  I want it to be vivid, yet subtle.  At least subtly over-the-top, or an implied over-the-topness -- if that is even possible.

Part of me does want to just say fuck it and publish it how it is, but I still have the time to polish it up before the release date.  That is one of the nice parts about current technology, and one which I will definitely continue to take advantage of.

I feel like I can't do any new writing until I have completely exhausted all of my current projects and the upcoming projects are thorough planned out.  I also need to get better at using my time wisely and dividing it more evenly between the things that are important in my life.  Sometimes some things might usurp more time than others, but right now there is nothing in particular that needs that.  I can be very productive if I push myself -- I just gotta be more Type-A than Type-B right now.

These blogs help with that.  In a strange way they help me organize my thoughts about my work and focus on what I need to be working on.  I have so many goals to accomplish, and I am not going to accomplish them by being lazy or focusing too much on one thing.  I can't lose sight of the importance of school, but yet my writing is also important -- it is, after all, what influenced me to study English and finally get my bachelor's degree-- and self-publishing is a challenging and rewarding hobby.

Sweetening the deal

Anyone who buys my short story collection, if you email me proof (gabegott@gmail.com), I will email you back pdf's of the blog version of the collection and an alternative version of my upcoming novel.

Enjoy!

First post of the Day (Expect More)

Can I just say that I am really excited for the new Queens of the Stone Age record, due out in June.  They have yet to disappoint me as a band.  The new track "My God is the Sun" is just as good as anything else they have released.  I can't believe it's been six years already since the last album came out.

Here is the newly released video for "My God is the Sun":

I am anxious to see how it fits in with the rest of the album.  They, for me, are more of an album band, which is probably why I like them so much, because I am more of an album band person, in general.  Not always, but most of the time.

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/queens-of-the-stone-ages-new-album-like-clockwork-set-for-june-20130322

Job opening

Starving artist/amateur writer with delusions of grandeur seeking a sponsor/a pimp in order to focus on writing.  Candidates must have lots of money and no desire for creative imput.  Strong business sense and marketing experience will help.  Will receive share of profits.  Will also get satisfaction of "helping a brother out," which is priceless.  Applicants email gabegott@gmail.com for more info.

Revelations With Extreme Prejudice

"I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last." -- Revelation, 22. 13

And he comes down from the heavens, an Elvis looking Jesus in a wool suit and tie, with a Gideon’s Bible in his back pocket.  Jesus is an Evangelical.  His own light reflects off of his magnificent cross medallion and blinds the onlookers of the world with righteous fury.  His eyes wear a self-assured scowl behind his sunglasses, but no one can see that except for him.  Behold, the Archangels, smiling with certitude, on his flanks armed with automatic weapons.  With a sweeping point of his finger he sends all the sinners to Hell and all the saints to Heaven.

New thought 1

I am going to document my life.  It will be a page, like a journal, but also like a creative outlet.   I can do it for free so why the Hell not.