I have earned a total of $.06 so far on this blog. I know, really rolling in the big bucks. I have earned $.02 this month alone, which definitely makes it my best month so far, financially, for this blog. If I can earn $.02 a month for the next three months, then I will have earned a total of $.12 for the entire year, which averages to $.01 a month. Damn.
I should be doing homework right now. I will get to it: in fact, it will probably take the next two or three days of time that I am not at work -- and I work 18 hours the next two days. That is why I am sleep deprived. I am going to try to get out early tomorrow, although I don't know how likely it is that it will actually happen, although I am a manager so it is probably more likely to happen than it would be for a regular crew member.
That's right. Homework. I love what I study, really and truly, but I loath doing it. Can't stand it. Don't want to spend even a second on it. But I have to spend some seconds on it. A multitude of seconds. Years of months of days of minutes of seconds. That's a lot. It will get me ahead, push me to do the work to do the research to write the papers to get published.
After the C.V. workshop yesterday, I am trying to get myself working on building it, which means doing stuff academically that will impress people enough to invite me to join a PhD. program after I get done with this whole Master's degree business. That means getting published and presenting at conferences. That means a lot of research, which means a lot of homework and studying, which takes a lot of time.
I care too much about my job. It just a means for an ends. Sure, I have extra responsibilities as a manager, and it is by far not the worst job I have ever had -- but it is not my future. Its place in my life has a limited future. It knows that. I am only supposed to be a part-time manager now. I am working 38+ hours this week, and have been working 35-40+ since I transferred there. Next week I have only 24 hours, which is perfect. I am going to insist on staying around 25 hours -- except during Christmas break. We'll see how that works. I take too much responsibility there, which is seen as good and I am glad I can help to improve the situation in anyway I can, however, it is becoming too much of an obstacle in my career path, and I don't need anymore obstacles, as I am already coming from behind. I am not going to just quit it, though. I am going to continue working there and just be firm about my role the and scope of time I can spend there.
I do have a full graduate student workload, and am married, and am pursuing creative writing too, and I can't seem to get anything done. Truthfully, I do finish my assignments, but I would like to spend more time on them -- even if it takes me forcing myself -- and spending more time pursuing getting some articles published in journals, write some abstracts, and do some presentations, get a TA position, get some teaching experience, maybe do some tutoring... And of course have a life, be a good husband, and try to be a published novelist.
If I keep on working at it, I know it will all come together, and if it doesn't, I will start down another path, but until I get to that point, I am going to keep going down this path and hope that my head doesn't explode.