Saturday, September 22, 2012

God I love the Internet.  I grew up without it, for the most part -- outside of a few friends who had it and I was able to get secondary exposure to it -- until after high school.  As a millennial, it put me at a slight disadvantage.  At the time it seemed like torture because I am by my very nature a lazy homebody sort of person, but now I am glad for it that I got to enjoy real life outside of the pop culture mind meld.

I don't think I am going out on a limb to say that electronic media of all sorts has turned us all into zombies.  In another generation we will be those people in the Matrix.  Not the ones who break loose, though, we're the one's still connected, completely oblivious to the tumult going on around us.  We get little slices of it in the news and whatnot, but it is hard to say what is really going on above the blankets.  We live in a Plutocracy and we are the proletariat.  You see, no matter what vision of the future, everything just short of actual, honest-to-God communism -- which seems by and large to go against human evolution because really we are still just pack animals -- there will be a proletariat.  Sheep.  Pacified and enlightened.  We need an alpha to tell us what to do.  We need to be fucking cyborgs plugged into (what I am doing right now, fucking hooked to a computer, with my Saturday morning PBS house-remodeling block) in order to be completely happy.  We have been pacified.

I am for one am totally okay with it.  Pacify me.  Let me lead a totally meaningless existence.  I don't want to find meaning in a totally ridiculous primordial contest that has little or nothing to do with my actual needs or wants.  I am happy in my life, working a meaningless job, go to school to study something I find interesting so I can make money talking to other people with a similar interest, and anyone who finds it interesting enough to take a class or two on it just to feel a little cultured, more than just by reading a book every one and again.  I like the academy.  Intellectualism.  Okay, maybe even Intellectualism has it's primordial roots.  Why else is chess such a kick-ass game.  And risk.  I have fun playing them even if I totally kind of such.  That's why I play my computer.  It is a good pre-brainstorming sort of exercise.  If I don't know what to write about I just play chess, and it comes right out, just like a jizz faucet.  It is like thought protein.

I like writing.  Even if no one or only a few people are reading.  It is norishing enough to me to have any kind of audience, even if not everyone all the time reads everything.  As long as some people read something sometime it is totally full of meaning to me.  I appreciate any kind of audience.  It is a dream.  So this is for you.

And me too.  I won't deny it.  It is self-gratifying, in a public masturbatory sort of way.  Oops, I said it.   Oh well, I can't take it back now, even if I can delete it so easily.

God I love computers.  It leads me back to that.   It really does.  I guess my mind just works in weird, convoluted circles like that.  If I admit my flaws that somehow simultaneously invalidating them by validating them.  Ponder that!

Okay, that might not be true.  I at least make an honest attempt at honesty everyone once and a while.  (That was a poetic way of structuring that sentence, if I do say so myself -- hot damn!).

Yeah, it is sometimes self-congratulatory.  That's just my pride.  Whatever.  Everyone's got it, after all, there is no use in denying that.

It might be frivolous.  Inane at times.  I always try to come to a point, or several somewhat-interweaving ones, at least.

I hope that, someday, by being completely honest, or at least a writer's way of portraying honesty, even when I am completely full of shit and it is obvious -- I don't care.  I like being full of shit.  It keeps me warm at night.  It has everything to do with my fiction, because who can tell a story better than a bullshitter?

At least that is my philosophy, anyways.

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