Thursday, September 27, 2012

Curriculum Vitae

I'm glad I'm the type of person who likes to go to meetings.  Attend things.  Be a part of some group.  I think it all goes back to my being forced and then willingly joining 4-H.  Shit, I was the President of my 4-H club.  Jesus, those were the days...

Then it was O.M and D.I.

My teams and I really proved how great minds can work together, have fun, and be creative, and have it all pay off.  I really enjoyed those experiences.  Definitely tops.  I can't replace those memories.  Even the ones involving Duct-taping profanity to hotel rooms and chasing Viebs -- or was it James -- around downtown Knoxville.  Making out with random girls on elevators.  We used to have a game we would play to warm up before competition and anytime in general where we tried to be as profane and insulting to everything and everyone as possible.  That way we wouldn't say anything too overtly gross in front of the judges.

Marching band...  I can't even describe how much fun we had.

The Posse!  One word: BAM!

In college, SPJ and the Stater.

Captain and Tennille Overdrive...fucking rocked.

Creativity and has always been an important part of my life.   I guess that is why I have such a hard time trying to divide myself from my creatives pursuits, why they define and drive my life.  They are my life.  I can no longer separate myself and retain my identity.

I am writing my first curriculum vitae.  It's a big deal.  Now I have to really get published and go to conferences and do presentations and really get my name out there, get some teaching experience, so I can market myself to a good PhD. program.  And get a job there after.  It's all too real sometimes.  So real, it's unbelievable   Why is it that the truth is so hard to believe?  That is where science ends and religion begins.

I guess that's why it's time for me to get off of here and start working on finishing this story and this novel.  Finishing them is the first step.  And then the ones that follow.  Then will come to truly hard part.  I have been there before...  Am I ready to go back?  I guess there is only one way to find out.  I guess I have at least proven I can draw some sort of audience within my immediate sphere.  The numbers are marginal when compared to the whole, but when only looked at within the frame of reference of my total number of contacts, it looks a lot better.  Now I just have to extend that, and that is where the job of a writer ends and the job of a salesman begins.

And on some level follow the rules, or breaking them in just the right way.  I think I prefer the latter, but I don't know if that is evident in my writing.  Maybe I should take more chances.  Maybe I will.

That's where this has it's greatest affect.  It's talking myself into what I already know.  Giving it voice, and thus, through the power of electricity, life.

I don't believe I can say that yet.  It's not just electricity that makes something live.  Ask anyone who has ever been struck by lighting.  No, it will take more than that.  It's not alive and won't be alive.  Not until I push myself further, take bigger risks, open myself up, maybe to failure -- but...  I will push my boundaries, challenge myself to my absolute limits, and see where that takes me.

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