Monday, November 19, 2012

Season's Greetings

I'm back...BITCHES!

Seriously, it has been an eternity since I have written in this shit.

I guess it would only tend to reason then that I have too many different things to say for this to be entirely focused.

A lot has happened.

I'm high.

On life.

Life is good.

I can say that because I have realized the secret to happiness.

Just stop caring about the things that will inevitably depress you.

Flush all the nagging shit in your brain and get out the toilet brush and get out those streaks.  It's time for a fresh start.

Inevitably some giant asshole will come along and take a shit down your mouth, and you'll just flush it on down and take it like a man (or woman.  Whatever, don't women, in general, do more taking.  Traditionally, I mean.  I can't say anything for new age women.  I can peacefully coexist with them.  Just know that patriarchy has still left it's imprint on my brain.  I'm aware of it but I can't always help myself from make a crude, sexist joke every now and again.  Its not okay, but, whatever.  Sometimes life is too short to be so fucking clean and quiet and fucking nice all of the time.  Sometimes it's nice to do something that's not good for yourself or anyone, as long as it doesn't actually hurt anyone else besides their sense of right and wrong, but that is purely subjectivity and shouldn't count [since everyone defines it differently]).

Wow.  That turned into kind of a rant.  Who knew that literal toilet humor would have led to such a parenthetical peep show to the inner-workings of my psyche, since, as Freud would say, (probably not really but something along these lines anyways), it's all about sex anyway.

I think 99% of the world's problems goes back to the intermingling of genitals or lack there of.  If could only let each other have sex with each other (consenting adults, of course, we do have to have some sort of standards) in a manner of our own choosing, then we will all be much better.  (Maybe some people will go to Hell.  Hey, look at it this way, there will be more room for your and your uptight friends.  The rest of us will be alone and miserable like you think we are anyway.  The truth is we should just respect each others' differences, but you can believe what you want to believe.  You don't have to know how not lonely and how extremely fucking happy I am anyways, in spite of all of the SHIT!)


Does anyone have a spare toilet brush?  Mines all shitty with other people's shit?  Anybody want to help a brother out?  I need to get this shit off me.  This shit is bananas!  Banana shit!  SHITTY SHIT! SHITTY SHITTY SHIT SHIT SHITTY SHIT!   BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH...

Hello, Mr. Gott?  Yes, my name is Harold Hamilton and I am from the International Bureau of Public Decency, Bacon Grease and Money Laundering and I am here to serve you with a cease and desist order.

Wait a second, I'm being shut down?  What the fuck?

No, you are just being censored.

On the basis of what!

On the basis that we own the world and have rights over your soul and what you say is covered under the "soul clause" since you are bleeding heart liberal faggot and you wear your heart on your sleeve, especially when you write.

Wait, what?  You take what I'm saying seriously?

We take EVERYTHING very seriously.

Even penises with googly eyes and whimsical mustaches?

Sir, we are penises with googly eyes and whimsical mustaches, and if we don't take ourselves seriously then no one will...

So if I don't take you seriously then it doesn't matter?

No, pretty much, not. No, but we will be irrelevant.

And just like that you'll go away?

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