Sunday, July 7, 2013

A sane, well-thought-out, post about sane, well-thought-out things, climbing my way out of the downward spiral, away from oblivion, while I can...

Organization is key.  Over the last month, month and a half -- since school ended for the summer -- my mental stability, decision-making skills, and desire to accomplish things of actual value have all disappeared...  I don't know, maybe I just needed to let loose for a while.

But there comes a time when it is necessary to reign it all back, sort it out, put all those aspects in the proper places, and get things going.  I've got a thesis to write, a class to prepare a syllabus for, three classes to get in the mental discipline to be a be to do well in, the literature subject test of the GRE to study for, papers to polish and get published or give presentations about at conferences, PhD. programs to apply to...

It's all happening so fast and it's a lot to do and I really just need to buckle down, hold on, and get it all done to the best of my ability and hopefully by this time next year I won't be institutionalized.  We'll see.  At least I'll get more writing accomplished that way, I suppose.

I also really need to make my final stand with this manuscript (I am not going to say which version I have chosen; however, if you've been keeping track, it's not the one I hinted at choosing in my last post), and get it all ready to publish.  I feel pretty confident for choosing the one I have chosen, and for the reasons for which I have done so.  In addition to the editing and proofreading, I also have to design the jacket and finalize the description, research the e-book formatting and get it right this time, and all that...

With work and all the other stuff going on in my life, I have to get organized and get to work.  It's the beginning of July and I am already very stressed.  I guess at this level the stress really never goes away.  I wish I was able to be less ambitious and settle for less, but I just am not capable of giving up. Maybe it's pride, maybe is irrational, maybe I'm crazy, maybe it's unnecessary and life is a cruel joke, but I don't care.  I am who I am, I study what I study, I write what I write, I play and like the music that I like, and that is that.

Hopefully after all the dust clears and in a year from now I am preparing for the PhD. program where I have been accepted, my novel is finally published and selling, I am working on my second novel, and I am continuing to progress towards my goal of getting a tenure-track position somewhere and continuing to write novels and short stories...  If not I still have my wife, our future family, our families, and lots of friends.

While certainly it's not all up to me, I can't control everything, there is a lot on my shoulders -- and much of it is what I put there -- and by making it as far as I have in my career I am already beating the odds.

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