Thursday, December 6, 2012

Rambling in the Middle of the Night

Will anybody read a book without chapters?  It's not the first but it's certainly not all that common.  Not to mention the fact that it's in the present tense, and is more character-oriented than plot-oriented.  It's around 60,000 words and will probably not dip much below that.  I'm editing page 30 of 200 (which for a manuscript doesn't really mean anything) and hopefully once I get through it, past a thorough proofreading or two, I won't be so inclined and self-obsessed to keep going back through it.  I'll tell myself enough is enough and send it off to the Amazon contest when it opens and hopefully I'll have a shot.  If not, well... I'll keep trying.  I'm confident that the changes I am making are what it needs, and, until I get some indication otherwise, they are the changes I am going to stick with.  I want to get this done so I can say I have gotten it done, even if I end up publishing it on my own I will at least be able to say that I have finished a book, and I will move on to the next one.  And the next one and the next one...  Am I crazy?  Maybe?  Talentless?  Maybe?   Dedicated?  Yes.  Driven?  Yes.  Goal-oriented?  Yes!  Incapable of giving up on my artistic pursuits?  Yes!  I couldn't give these things up even if I wanted to, and I certainly have, definitely certainly have, at times.  But I can't.  Writing and music and creating are built into my DNA.  Maybe I might never make a living doing them, but I am definitely closer than someone who just automatically gives up when it gets hard or seems unlikely or it seems like no one care.  None of that stuff truly matters.  If I was doing to to be famous, then I would have lit myself on fire in front of a library a long time ago.  I am cool with obscurity.  The internet is a wonderful resource for someone, if given an opportunity.  Either way, I am in school, making progress, hopefully doing well enough in my classes (will find out in the next couple of weeks if I get those A's that I have worked for this semester) to justify continuing.  I believe I am on the right track to getting a teaching assistantship, which is a necessary part of my plan, if I want to really be serious about applying to any PhD. program.

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