Thursday, December 6, 2012
Rambling in the Middle of the Night
Will anybody read a book without chapters? It's not the first but it's certainly not all that common. Not to mention the fact that it's in the present tense, and is more character-oriented than plot-oriented. It's around 60,000 words and will probably not dip much below that. I'm editing page 30 of 200 (which for a manuscript doesn't really mean anything) and hopefully once I get through it, past a thorough proofreading or two, I won't be so inclined and self-obsessed to keep going back through it. I'll tell myself enough is enough and send it off to the Amazon contest when it opens and hopefully I'll have a shot. If not, well... I'll keep trying. I'm confident that the changes I am making are what it needs, and, until I get some indication otherwise, they are the changes I am going to stick with. I want to get this done so I can say I have gotten it done, even if I end up publishing it on my own I will at least be able to say that I have finished a book, and I will move on to the next one. And the next one and the next one... Am I crazy? Maybe? Talentless? Maybe? Dedicated? Yes. Driven? Yes. Goal-oriented? Yes! Incapable of giving up on my artistic pursuits? Yes! I couldn't give these things up even if I wanted to, and I certainly have, definitely certainly have, at times. But I can't. Writing and music and creating are built into my DNA. Maybe I might never make a living doing them, but I am definitely closer than someone who just automatically gives up when it gets hard or seems unlikely or it seems like no one care. None of that stuff truly matters. If I was doing to to be famous, then I would have lit myself on fire in front of a library a long time ago. I am cool with obscurity. The internet is a wonderful resource for someone, if given an opportunity. Either way, I am in school, making progress, hopefully doing well enough in my classes (will find out in the next couple of weeks if I get those A's that I have worked for this semester) to justify continuing. I believe I am on the right track to getting a teaching assistantship, which is a necessary part of my plan, if I want to really be serious about applying to any PhD. program.