Three posts in one day? Yikes, I must be really desperate for attention.
Or supposed to be working on something else.
Or both.
I haven't decided yet. Or come out of denial. One of the two. Or both? I don't know if both works in that instance.
I like it when I write in a series of loosely connected statements.
And then every once and a while go in a completely different direction.
I am a big fan of George Orwell.
My blogger is acting funny today.
I have been getting a lot of errors. Maybe it's because I have been on it like all day. I am connected to the Internet even when I am sleeping. We all are. Smartphones are a magic thing like that.
I prefer surfing on my laptop, though. As I am sure most people do. I tend to get more writing done. I used to use my phone to blog a lot, but it isn't nearly as fast (for writing).
I am interested in getting one of the windows 8 tablets. Maybe with my tax return.
It would be wholly unnecessary, though, so I probably won't.
I will use this computer until it is completely obsolete or it dies, whichever comes first. It will last longer than my Dell.
I had my Dell for about three and a half years. With this HP I am like a year and a half and I would say it's holding up better now than my Dell did at this same age.
Tom Cruise is irrelevant.
I am growing to enjoy Person of Interest more and more.
That was the truth and also a ploy to get more hits.
I should start randomly naming CBS products.
For instance, I might stay up and watch David Letterman tonight. I am not completely sold on Sherlock but I'll probably watch it. Action 19 news is the worst newscast in Cleveland. I would rather watch two hookers giving each other Cleveland Steamers.
I do really like Craig Ferguson, though.
And I still watch Criminal Minds, because I like the characters, although I miss Prentiss and Gideon. Yeah, I just got all nerdy and stuff.
And I watch the CBS Monday night lineup, even though I am not completely sold on any of the shows except for Two Broke Girls. That is a good joke oriented show.
Okay, I think that is enough shamelessness for one night.
I've noticed that when I talk about music more I tend to get more music ads, where as when I talk about literature and writing books I tend to get more of those ads. I wonder if I will get a CBS ad. It would be randomly, because I have mention CBS a number of times and even name-dropped CSI even though I am kind of done with that show.
CBS
CBS CBS
CBS CBS CBS
CBS CBS CBS CBS
CBS CBS CBS
CBS CBS
CBS
CBS
CBS
CBS
CBS
CBS
CBS
CBS
CBS CBS CBS CBS CBS CBS CBS CBS CBS CBS CBS CBS CBS CBS
That is supposed to look like the flag in Super Mario Brothers, although I think it is going the wrong way. I don't really care, though.
I should work on my book some more. I am making some real progress. And I have done enough other things today to justify working on it again. I made some real headway brainstorming my papers, among other homework. I am going to get up tomorrow and do some reading for Monday and then maybe write an abstract for a conference.
Anyways, I should get to the book. I am currently editing page 64 of about 211. I am not sure on how many works as I have cut a lot out, but I am guess around 55,000. I am trying to not go under 50,000, but I am going for tight prose. It was over 70,000 words but it was sloppy. I am not the type of writer who would write a 1,000 page book. Not right now, anyways. That might change, eventually.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Society is into Semantic S&M
I like how we (and yes, the cultural "we") use some of the same terms for sex/sexuality as for violence/negativity. Some examples:
Depending on how you wish to use the term, the syntax changes to provide the context for your listener/reader to understand which definition you are using.
Ambiguity is an interesting topic. I am studying semantics/pragmatics in two of my classes and my other course is all about defining literacy in different contexts and showing how it has varied across space and time. Not to mention the fact that ambiguity is essential in most literature. Or at least the mask of ambiguity. There is a certain amount of ambiguity inherent in all of us, due to the different faces we where depending upon whose company we are in (Yes, I know I ended that sentence with a preposition. Deal with it, Brainiac).
Each (social) group develops its own dialect over time. It's inevitable. We all rub off on one another, and how we speak and write is affected according to who with we are trying to communicate. We are all literate in multiple dialects.
Anyway, we call it slang, and I think slang is a dialect in development. When a new usage (of a word, of punctuation, of grammar) becomes standard among a group, it always follows some kind of logic that works with the overall universal grammar, which is made up of symbols which we develop psychologically.
Anyway, that is what some people believe, and I am leaning towards at this point, unless someone comes up with a more viable theory, but this one is at least based on science on some level.
Studying the language makes studying literature that much more interesting, too, because it allows me to actually get into the writing process and to think about the choices that the writer must have made. It really breaks it all apart on a foundational level. Hopefully it makes me a better writer, too.
- I'm gonna fuck you/I'm gonna fuck you up,
- hit/hit that,
- spanking
- jerking off/jerking around
- banging
Depending on how you wish to use the term, the syntax changes to provide the context for your listener/reader to understand which definition you are using.
Ambiguity is an interesting topic. I am studying semantics/pragmatics in two of my classes and my other course is all about defining literacy in different contexts and showing how it has varied across space and time. Not to mention the fact that ambiguity is essential in most literature. Or at least the mask of ambiguity. There is a certain amount of ambiguity inherent in all of us, due to the different faces we where depending upon whose company we are in (Yes, I know I ended that sentence with a preposition. Deal with it, Brainiac).
Each (social) group develops its own dialect over time. It's inevitable. We all rub off on one another, and how we speak and write is affected according to who with we are trying to communicate. We are all literate in multiple dialects.
Anyway, we call it slang, and I think slang is a dialect in development. When a new usage (of a word, of punctuation, of grammar) becomes standard among a group, it always follows some kind of logic that works with the overall universal grammar, which is made up of symbols which we develop psychologically.
Anyway, that is what some people believe, and I am leaning towards at this point, unless someone comes up with a more viable theory, but this one is at least based on science on some level.
Studying the language makes studying literature that much more interesting, too, because it allows me to actually get into the writing process and to think about the choices that the writer must have made. It really breaks it all apart on a foundational level. Hopefully it makes me a better writer, too.
National Novel Editing Month
Happy National Novel Writing Month! One of these years I will actually participate and write a draft of a novel. Right now I just don't have the time. If I were to participate, it would take away from this blog, so... Maybe I will have my own version, National Novel Editing Month and try to finish editing it. I am about a quarter of the way through it. I figure, if I can go through it and edit it and then during Christmas Break go back and make the changes and then proofread, that I can be ready to start pursuing getting an agent early next year. I just have to balance it with school and life and work and the holidays... If I am diligent and push myself to do it when I am just watching TV or during study breaks or breaks in writing papers, I can easily accomplish this goal.
Plus, if I can, once and for all, finish this one, I can move on to the next one and really put my full effort into it. It is high time that I finished this one, it has been a long time coming, because I am too much of a perfectionist. According to my standards, I don't know that I can ever get it done. It does have to be consistently good and free of typos and GSP errors. It also has to be thematically consistent with no logical gaps and nothing that distracts the reader. While I could release a version of it now, I know it is not the best that it could be, even though it is the best that it has been (prior to the edit I have been working on for the past few months).
While I definitely do have to spend a large chunk of my next four days off to my school work and my final projects, I will also be working on editing. Elliot, on the other hand, will still be working on sleeping and licking his genitals. I won't lie, I am a little jealous.
Plus, if I can, once and for all, finish this one, I can move on to the next one and really put my full effort into it. It is high time that I finished this one, it has been a long time coming, because I am too much of a perfectionist. According to my standards, I don't know that I can ever get it done. It does have to be consistently good and free of typos and GSP errors. It also has to be thematically consistent with no logical gaps and nothing that distracts the reader. While I could release a version of it now, I know it is not the best that it could be, even though it is the best that it has been (prior to the edit I have been working on for the past few months).
While I definitely do have to spend a large chunk of my next four days off to my school work and my final projects, I will also be working on editing. Elliot, on the other hand, will still be working on sleeping and licking his genitals. I won't lie, I am a little jealous.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
A bit of a rant
Due to the number of political ads on my blog, I have decided to block them, as well as a number of other categories that I feel do not represent me and my points of view. I don't want the ads on my site to misrepresent me, and I don't want people to believe I support a certain candidate that I in fact don't. If you don't know me well enough to know my political affiliations... Then you should read my posts a little more carefully.
I will say that I have been a registered Democrat my entire adult life, more due to my philosophical beliefs than to loyalty to any individual candidate or, for that matter, the party itself. For that reason, in particular, I will not openly support either of the major candidates, because I don't feel that either one really represents me, nor do I believe that my representatives or senators represent me, or the vast majority of people, either. These people are nothing but frauds, taking money from wealthy private donors and forsaking all the rest of us. If they truly wanted to do what was right, then people would have equal access to healthcare, but, if you're poor, then you're probably going to die of cancer or heart disease -- that is if the global financial market doesn't collapse and we don't all die in some kind of nuclear holocaust. Artisans and small-business entrepreneurs are drowning. More and more people have to rely on large, humorless corporate big brothers for work.
Quite frankly, if I didn't feel it was my civic duty, I wouldn't vote at all. Again I will be voting for the lesser of two evils, even though I am certain neither candidate, even the one I am voting for, even give a damn about me and whether I succeed or fail. Other than my small circle of family and friends, my wife, I am alone. We are all alone in that way, unless you happen to be related to someone or know someone. And I am not just talking about anyone. That's why I am more focused on getting an education than making money. One will always have value, the other, on the other hand, doesn't have sustainable value.
Anyway, that's why I try to not write directly about this sort of stuff, because it's damn depressing. I would rather think about and focus on the things that truly matter in life, spending time with those you love, doing those things you love, and letting the world go to Hell, like it inevitably will because most people are too ignorant or weak or distracted (like me) or some combination of the three, to stand up and force the people who are in power to do what is right and actually represent the people and not just the people who have most of the money.
I might have contradicted myself at some point there, but I don't care. Can anyone blame me for feeling angry and powerless at the same time? Can anyone blame me for not feeling like I have any kind of public voice that any politician that has any authority will even recognize as legitimate, because I can't afford to donate to any campaign?
No. I will focus on my wife, on my friends and family, on my school, my writing, my music...Because these are the people and the activities that make my life worth living, and I won't take them for granted. The "leaders" of this country, on the other hand, took most of us for granted a long time ago. That's why I will not advertise for them, I won't even mention them by name, and I definitely will not campaign for them.
I will say that I have been a registered Democrat my entire adult life, more due to my philosophical beliefs than to loyalty to any individual candidate or, for that matter, the party itself. For that reason, in particular, I will not openly support either of the major candidates, because I don't feel that either one really represents me, nor do I believe that my representatives or senators represent me, or the vast majority of people, either. These people are nothing but frauds, taking money from wealthy private donors and forsaking all the rest of us. If they truly wanted to do what was right, then people would have equal access to healthcare, but, if you're poor, then you're probably going to die of cancer or heart disease -- that is if the global financial market doesn't collapse and we don't all die in some kind of nuclear holocaust. Artisans and small-business entrepreneurs are drowning. More and more people have to rely on large, humorless corporate big brothers for work.
Quite frankly, if I didn't feel it was my civic duty, I wouldn't vote at all. Again I will be voting for the lesser of two evils, even though I am certain neither candidate, even the one I am voting for, even give a damn about me and whether I succeed or fail. Other than my small circle of family and friends, my wife, I am alone. We are all alone in that way, unless you happen to be related to someone or know someone. And I am not just talking about anyone. That's why I am more focused on getting an education than making money. One will always have value, the other, on the other hand, doesn't have sustainable value.
Anyway, that's why I try to not write directly about this sort of stuff, because it's damn depressing. I would rather think about and focus on the things that truly matter in life, spending time with those you love, doing those things you love, and letting the world go to Hell, like it inevitably will because most people are too ignorant or weak or distracted (like me) or some combination of the three, to stand up and force the people who are in power to do what is right and actually represent the people and not just the people who have most of the money.
I might have contradicted myself at some point there, but I don't care. Can anyone blame me for feeling angry and powerless at the same time? Can anyone blame me for not feeling like I have any kind of public voice that any politician that has any authority will even recognize as legitimate, because I can't afford to donate to any campaign?
No. I will focus on my wife, on my friends and family, on my school, my writing, my music...Because these are the people and the activities that make my life worth living, and I won't take them for granted. The "leaders" of this country, on the other hand, took most of us for granted a long time ago. That's why I will not advertise for them, I won't even mention them by name, and I definitely will not campaign for them.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Facing the Facts
As it came time to register for classes, and I was unable to get into any of the core classes for the composition track (due to the fact that, even though I registered the exact first minute I was able, the only core class being offered was already full), it caused me to seriously question the direction I was heading. Where in composition I would be focusing on composition theory and linguistics and how to teach composition -- which would culminate in me applying this knowledge in studying the language of propaganda or perhaps language on the Internet, which were my two areas of interest and my reasoning for going into composition -- in literature I could apply my knowledge of language and my love of reading to studying the work of one of my favorite authors, Kurt Vonnegut, which could ultimately lead to me teaching a subversive lit class someday, which would be a dream come true.
If not Vonnegut, I am a huge Orwell fan, I can't get enough of Fitzgerald, I have an obsession with the book The Man Who Loved Children by Christina Stead, I can't understand why John Updike isn't discussed more, and I have a growing interest in Melville. Not to mention the fact that I am obsessed with writing fiction, I am trying to finish editing my first novel, and I have at least four or five other legitimate novel ideas, one of which is slowly in progress through the process of brainstorming and story development. Taking all of these factors with the fact that, as I was not able to get into any of the core Composition courses, probably setting my graduation date back -- which is the last thing that I want to do as a 30-year-old college student -- with the fact that I was able to take two of the four core courses for Literature (Chaucer and Shakespeare, respectively), and I am taking one this semester (Modern Linguistics), and I was also able to sign up to meet one of the American Lit requirements (Melville...Kickass!), making it possible for me to write a thesis and still graduate by Spring 2014, it only makes sense for me to change.
If I am going to change, it has to be now, in my first semester, where it will not impact me. I am glad that I have taken the classes that I have taken this semester, for it has helped me considered the language more than I ever would have on my own. This will only help me. I just feel like -- and this is the hippy in me, sure -- the universe is pointing me in the direction I should be going. Choosing a career path is the same as finding true love and making the relationship work, it should not go against logic, it is not an uphill path through the bleak and unrelenting wilderness, but more-so akin to traveling through a desert your entire life and suddenly coming upon paradise.
Either way I am sticking with grad school and trying to do my best so that I can get into a good PhD program. It's ironic then, that one of my undergrad professors at Kent, one of my favorites in fact, Dr. Berardinelli, had assumed without even asking, from the papers I had been writing, that I was planning on going into a PhD program for Lit. At the time I was seriously considering going into an MFA program for creative writing. By my last semester of undergrad I had decided to take a more "practical route", which, in hindsight, wasn't very practical after all.
Now, if only I could focus and finish this proposal that's due later today, I would be in good shape. I was hoping to have it done by now. I have a good idea, but I am still trying to figure out how to go about it. I am not worried, I have a few tricks left up my sleeve, to use a cliche.
While Kurt Vonnegut, and other postmodernists, didn't believe in an essential truth, I feel compelled to believe since in making this decision, like all other decisions in my life that I have based on such, what seem at the time, impulses, I feel at home and at peace with my decision.
I also sent in my application to be a peer tutor next semester. It seems like a natural progression, a way for me to use my knowledge to help others, a step forward into teaching, which will hopefully also help me get a TA position for next year.
Time to kick my brain into high gear and get the ball rolling on this assignment. May the force be with you.
If not Vonnegut, I am a huge Orwell fan, I can't get enough of Fitzgerald, I have an obsession with the book The Man Who Loved Children by Christina Stead, I can't understand why John Updike isn't discussed more, and I have a growing interest in Melville. Not to mention the fact that I am obsessed with writing fiction, I am trying to finish editing my first novel, and I have at least four or five other legitimate novel ideas, one of which is slowly in progress through the process of brainstorming and story development. Taking all of these factors with the fact that, as I was not able to get into any of the core Composition courses, probably setting my graduation date back -- which is the last thing that I want to do as a 30-year-old college student -- with the fact that I was able to take two of the four core courses for Literature (Chaucer and Shakespeare, respectively), and I am taking one this semester (Modern Linguistics), and I was also able to sign up to meet one of the American Lit requirements (Melville...Kickass!), making it possible for me to write a thesis and still graduate by Spring 2014, it only makes sense for me to change.
If I am going to change, it has to be now, in my first semester, where it will not impact me. I am glad that I have taken the classes that I have taken this semester, for it has helped me considered the language more than I ever would have on my own. This will only help me. I just feel like -- and this is the hippy in me, sure -- the universe is pointing me in the direction I should be going. Choosing a career path is the same as finding true love and making the relationship work, it should not go against logic, it is not an uphill path through the bleak and unrelenting wilderness, but more-so akin to traveling through a desert your entire life and suddenly coming upon paradise.
Either way I am sticking with grad school and trying to do my best so that I can get into a good PhD program. It's ironic then, that one of my undergrad professors at Kent, one of my favorites in fact, Dr. Berardinelli, had assumed without even asking, from the papers I had been writing, that I was planning on going into a PhD program for Lit. At the time I was seriously considering going into an MFA program for creative writing. By my last semester of undergrad I had decided to take a more "practical route", which, in hindsight, wasn't very practical after all.
Now, if only I could focus and finish this proposal that's due later today, I would be in good shape. I was hoping to have it done by now. I have a good idea, but I am still trying to figure out how to go about it. I am not worried, I have a few tricks left up my sleeve, to use a cliche.
While Kurt Vonnegut, and other postmodernists, didn't believe in an essential truth, I feel compelled to believe since in making this decision, like all other decisions in my life that I have based on such, what seem at the time, impulses, I feel at home and at peace with my decision.
I also sent in my application to be a peer tutor next semester. It seems like a natural progression, a way for me to use my knowledge to help others, a step forward into teaching, which will hopefully also help me get a TA position for next year.
Time to kick my brain into high gear and get the ball rolling on this assignment. May the force be with you.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Letting Go
I didn't even want to go. It's not that I don't having a good time or hanging out with my friends, but lately I barely have time to myself.
Sometimes when you get so caught in the repetition of life, do this, do that, make ends meet, work toward the future...Life. Not that I am complaining. I really like my life. I am in such a great place right now. I love my wife, I am excited about school and enjoy the work that I do---I only wish I had more time to do it.
Time is the most valuable commodity on Earth. Fuck money and precious metals and all that shit. It's time that keeps this world spinning. It's not the almighty dollar. Working day in and day out in low-wage slave labor. That's not the point of life. I am not a pawn in someone else's scheme to make money.
So last night I just... Let go.
We were the first ones to the bars -- The Incredible Hulk, a football player from Chelsea, T-Rex, Buzz Lightyear, Wayne, and me, Garth. Woody and Jessie came later.
Wayne just passed the bar, so he and I started with a Jameson shot. Every place we went we had a shot, in addition to the shots with the rest of the group, and beer---God bless it!
As the night progressed, more and more people came out. We hopped bars, met Kermit the Frog, who is mentally deranged, and Scooby Doo, who publicly raped Kermit, and a flasher, who kept trying to expose himself to T-Rex.
Drinks, drinks, drinks, cigarettes, new bar, more drinks, drinks, drinks...
A blur of motion and bodies pressed together, the loud thumping of bass, lasers and the flash flash flash flash flash of a strobe light. I found myself dancing with Buzz Lightyear.
That's when it happened. When it all disappeared, when nothing mattered but the moment. I found myself floating along the current.
The current carried us through the night.
Our van cab never arrived and instead of being dragged under and forced by gravity to the depths, we ended up taking a limo for the same price that the cab would have cost.
I arrived on the other side of the shore, at home, where the current carried us, and the transition to solid ground was more than my system could bear. All of the stress came purging out.
Blackness.
I woke up this afternoon, enlightened. Whatever stresses were gone, were profoundly gone, and I could see the path ahead of me with clarity. Everything happens for a reason. I have been reset; I can see what's important: my wife, my friends, my school, my stories...
Whatever else I have to do to make ends meet on top of my loans, well...You'll get what you pay for and nothing more.
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