Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Thinking Can Be Dangerous, But It's Usually Not, and Actually Sometimes Quite Productive, But Not Always, And That's Okay

It occurred to me as I was watching Letterman. He had nothing to do it, it was just what was on the boob tube. I have been watching Lost on Netflix but the storm fucked it up on my Wii and haven't been able to connect. It's not the internet, so I don't know. Anyways, I was thinking, as I have a tendency to do, on occasion, and it occurred to me that I wrote the rough draft of my first novel when I was living in Chicago, when I was working like 50-60 hours a week, so why can't I write the first draft of my second novel when I am working about the same amount of hours, especially since this one has been meticulously planned out already? I believe I can balance teaching and writing, and do both successfully. I will always be busy, but then again, I am always busy, have always been always busy, will always be always busy, always. It's just how I function. I have never been very good at sitting around and not doing anything. Even when I am sitting around, doing nothing, I am actually probably also doing something. Perhaps, I will get one of these two jobs for which I am in the early stages of interviewing, and I will not have to worry about teaching and writing--although instead I will be writing and writing, but it will be different, because my work writing will only help my hobby writing, which will only help my work writing, because I will always be sharpening the tool. Of course, I will also be writing flash fiction and short stories, in addition to my novel, but if I ever want to get good at writing novels, I am going to have to continue doing it on a regular basis. Perhaps I will never make a job of it, but, maybe someday I will. It's not going to happen overnight, and it's not going to happen without effort, but it can happen if I keep putting effort to it, it is not guaranteed to happen, but it can happen because it is a possibility, because I am working towards it, and attempting to learn from my mistakes and grow, and get better as I continue to do it. Anyways, it's time to stop being a student and to start being productive and making money and also putting effort into what I truly want to do. It's time to find a career where I can be successful so I can support my wife and myself, pay our bills, buy a new car, pay off our debt, buy a house... You know, all of that adult crap that every tries to do sooner or later, and I aim to do it more sooner than later. It will be nice to reach a point in my life where I can pursue my hobbies and not feel guilty about it because I don't have something else I should be reading or writing. I guess it has not fully struck me that I am no longer a student, that I am moving on to a new stage of my life, where school might still be a big part of my life, but not as a student. In a way, I am still learning and studying, but it is not the same, because I already have some expertise at the subject, and I have some experience at teaching, and I just need to building my confidence and further develop my ability to communicate these ideas in ways that will reach the students who want to be reached. I am not looking to teach forever--at least not working three part time jobs just to make ends meet--and I am hoping to get one of these two other jobs, but if I do end up teaching full time, I would not be upset about it. Ultimately, I think, it comes down to the fact that where ever I work, it will be my life as much as it has to be, but it won't be my entire life, because I have so much else. I have worked hard to work less but do more and have it be more appreciated by the people who are affected by what I do.

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