Monomania

Job searching is... hard. And frustrating. There are many ways I could describe this process, but these seem the most fitting.

I supposed it wouldn't be as difficult if I had more direct professional experience in the area where I am trying to find employment, but, really, I am not getting very many responses, in general, so it really makes me second-guess myself and my skills, knowledge, and intelligence... Am I just truly not qualified for these jobs? Am I just destined to work whatever crappy job comes along? What the hell am I not doing that I need to do? What am I doing that I shouldn't be?

Sometimes I just think it's the system, and that it is set up against me, since I don't know anybody, and I didn't grow up anywhere particularly special. But maybe that's just an excuse. Maybe I am not trying hard enough, or maybe I need to focus my search in a different particular area.

But through all of my schooling, I have never been led to believe anything but that I am a capable, talented writer. I have always seemed to have a natural knack for it, and I have always been willing to put in the work to further develop my skills. I have never been discouraged away from writing--indeed, quite the opposite. Particularly in my journalism and my creative writing classes, but also in many of my English classes, and even by professors who have reputations at being tough, I have been encouraged to keep at it.  

Maybe I am just not patient. Maybe it just takes more time. Maybe I need more schooling yet. I don't know. I am not going to give up. I don't know if I am even capable of it. I suppose that's why I have a white whale tattooed on my forearm.